The W(h)ine Hour..

Every household has one…the whine hour. It’s those bewitching hours between approximately 5 and 8pm in the evening when the kids go crazy and moms across the world lose their minds completely. It doesn’t matter if you have babies, toddlers, kids, tweens, or teens; those hours of dinner/homework/bath time/ bedtime can just about do a momma in. What is a girl to do? It’s simple and brilliant actually, just slip in a little wine of your own! Now, I’m not suggesting anyone down a bottle of whiskey everyday between the hours of 5 and 8, in fact if you do that you will have a few whine hours of your own the next morning. Basically, a little wine during the whine hours will keep you out of the padded cell at the local cookoo house where people will walk by and peek in your little window and say things like “aww, poor mom has lost her marbles” and “hmmm, now that’s a crazy one right there, sits in there all day and hits herself over the head with a Barbie and a hotwheel”. Don’t smirk, it can happen.

So, enjoy the tales of my whine hour, and how I survive each and everyone of one of them with a sense of humor and a good bottle of wine! After all, the whine hour comes around every single day, a girl has to be prepared!


Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Tuesday, March 8th...Weather and Whine

Today it is cold and rainy.  We have gone from 0 to 80 to 40 in the past month.  The saying around here is, if you don't like the weather just wait 5 minutes and it will have changed. ;)  So true!  Most people will check with the local weather man to find out what the weather will be...not me...I just watch my kids.  I'm not sure if it's like this in every house, but at this house the forecast is on a direct scale with behavior.  It doesn't matter if it's warm or cold, sunny or snowy if the weather pattern is stable so are my kids.  When the weather takes a turn for the worse, so do the moods.  Bad attitudes, surly talk, and whininess abound.  It's enough to have a momma reaching for her crazy straw by 4:45, whipping out the phrase "it's 5 o'clock somewhere!" ;)  Bud looked at me when he got home in the middle of probably the 5th meltdown of the afternoon and said, "What is going on?"  I just calmly poor myself a little more wine and say, "Oh that? No worries, it's just a low pressure system, it will pass in another hour or so."  There really is no need for me to waste valuable trash tv time watching the news, I can just listen around my house to see what the forecast is.  Tomorrow is going to be sunny and warmer! :)

By the time dinner got on the table the sun was coming out and the moods had shifted.  Praise the Lord!  Sitting down to the table for dinner together is truly one of my favorite things in the world.  It is pretty rare, so when it happens I love to sit and listen to all of the interesting dinner conversation 3 boys can come up with.  Well, some of it I don't actually love, there's always lots of "potty" talk which is hilarious to everyone at the table...but me. ;)  Tonight we got on girlfriend talk!  Now that's interesting!  The big one has a special friend, but they aren't really "going out" as things become a bit more awkward at 14.  The middle one spurts out, "My girlfriend is moving to Belgium!"  We had all heard this before so I ask when that might be happening.  He says, "I don't know, it was in February, then spring break now not til summer.  I'm not sure if she's really moving, she may just be saying that to keep me at a distance."  As his mom, I am trying very hard here to be kind and tactful in my response.  His brothers, not so much.  The little one throws out, "Well at least she didn't slap you when you asked her like the last girl you asked out."  No mercy here. ;)  It finally comes around to the little guy's turn to talk, he always has to wait the longest a fact that we are all made very aware of all the time. ;)  He says, "My girl is great!  She said she loves me, she's really cute and we sit by each other every day at story time."  Oh, that's sweet.  "Yep, she's a hard worker alright."  Pahaaaa!!  A hard worker?  Bud just spit wine out his nose, and the rest of us are all giggling.  :)  The big one, always my practical thinker says, "That's a good trait in a girl buddy, she'll be able to help pay the bills someday." The middle one says, "Whatever tickles your peach."  That's it, girlfriends's game on,  the war of words begins.  They like to do this sometimes, start a saying or a phrase or a joke and then see who can come up with the most variations.  Sometimes it's yo momma jokes, or maybe Tim Tebowism's, sometime's it's a four letter word war.  That one never ends well for anyone. ;)  Tonight's went like this....whatever floats your boat, whatever flies your kite, whatever toots your horn, whatever cooks your burger, whatever pops your bubble, whatever pops your popcorn, whatever kills your fly, whatever rides your pony, whatever waters your grass, whatever fluffs your pillow.  Bud and I are finding all this very amusing, but as with all good things, this will come to an end.   All of these word wars end in the same way...with someone taking it one step to far.  The fun ended tonight with...whatever grabs your balls.  To this statement the place erupts in guffaws and high fives and all manner of celebration....for about 15 seconds....then everyone got to do something else fun.  The dishes. ;)  And they all learned a new phrase, if you mess with the bull you will get the horns.  Guess who the bull is? :)   To this the middle replies, while at the sink, "if you can't take the heat get out of the kitchen."  You got it buddy, I'm outta here!  Glee is on and I'm a big fan of Sue Sylvester! :)

The wine of the day is Next, pinot noir.  The word "next" is one of my favorite words.  It can be used in a variety of situations.  Whenever you are done dealing with something or someone just throw this out, "Next please".  I recommend saying this with the exact inflection of Bon Qui Qui.  If you aren't familiar with the lovely miss Bon Qui Qui and her inspiring work at the King Burger, I suggest you check her out on youtube or madtv.  If you haven't had a good chuckle yet today, she'll take your order.  SUCURITY..this one's got to go.

Happy Tuesday!

No comments: