The W(h)ine Hour..

Every household has one…the whine hour. It’s those bewitching hours between approximately 5 and 8pm in the evening when the kids go crazy and moms across the world lose their minds completely. It doesn’t matter if you have babies, toddlers, kids, tweens, or teens; those hours of dinner/homework/bath time/ bedtime can just about do a momma in. What is a girl to do? It’s simple and brilliant actually, just slip in a little wine of your own! Now, I’m not suggesting anyone down a bottle of whiskey everyday between the hours of 5 and 8, in fact if you do that you will have a few whine hours of your own the next morning. Basically, a little wine during the whine hours will keep you out of the padded cell at the local cookoo house where people will walk by and peek in your little window and say things like “aww, poor mom has lost her marbles” and “hmmm, now that’s a crazy one right there, sits in there all day and hits herself over the head with a Barbie and a hotwheel”. Don’t smirk, it can happen.

So, enjoy the tales of my whine hour, and how I survive each and everyone of one of them with a sense of humor and a good bottle of wine! After all, the whine hour comes around every single day, a girl has to be prepared!


Thursday, April 28, 2011

Just Another Day in Paradise. ;)

There might be just a hint of sarcasm in the title today. ;)  Things started to head down hill yesterday when the little one walked in from the bus and announced, "I think I have pink eye."  Ohhh great, that is gross and so contagious.  "Why do you think that little guy?"  He comes over, gets right up in my face, opens his eyes reeeeallll wide and says, "This one is watering a lot and hurts and there is SNOT in the corner."  As I jump about 3 feet back from him he follows that up with, "I didn't stick my hands down my pants and rub my eye's or anything.  Promise."  Ummm, what?  The fact that you are telling me you did not do that pretty much ensures that you did.   Awesome.  Looks like another phone call might be coming from his teacher, those are always so much fun. ;)  Of course, I had my usual reaction to any news such as this and told him he probably just had some allergies or something and to go play, "I'll check it later."  Secretly I told the other two boys to steer clear of gross germ boy over there and DO NOT touch your face for any reason.  I mean, seriously, I can't have the whole house with gross poop eyes. ;)  When a healthy dose of Benedryl didn't clear that up over night, I decided a trip to the doctor was in order.  I also decided that in the event that he was indeed infected with a nasty case of conjunctivitis some serious cleaning was in order.  So I spent the morning scrubbing toilets, mopping floors, wiping eye snot and having a love affair with my washing machine. ;) Like I said...just another day in paradise.

The doc we saw today was not our usual pediatrician, but was a sweet older man who took one look at the little's eye and said, "Oh, I can see why you're here."  Just to make sure there was no misunderstanding the little one shoots right out, "I didn't stick my hands down my pants and rub my eye's."  It's always my favorite when your kids make you look really stupid in front of the doctor; this won't be the last time he does this to me today.  The kind doctor does a thorough examination and says it is not pink eye and asks me, "Has he been congested?"  Yes.  "Has he been sneezing?" Uh, yeah.  "Has he been coughing?"  Ummm, maybe?  "Is he always this wheezy?"  Oh crap, I have failed this one...big time.  He tells me the little one has a raging sinus infection and needs both an oral and eye drop antibiotic plus an inhaler every 4 hours.  Of course, being the really great mom that I am, I immediately try to deflect, "Well, if the Zyrtec I put out for him every morning wasn't still on the counter when he left for school, he probably would have the allergies under better control."  As if an 8 yr old needs to be responsible for this.  Well, it sounded like a good argument in my head. ;)  As the doctor is writing out the prescriptions and trying hard not to laugh at me, the little one says, "Remember that one time when I was throwing up a bunch and you gave me that Bon Jovi medicine?  That was so gross."  The what medicine?  Oh my gosh, could I look like a bigger idiot of a mom today?  The answer to that question is a  "You mean the Pepto Bismol?"  He says, "Oh, Pepto Bismol, that stuff is really weird."  Oh yeah?  Well, so is this conversation we are having. ;)  The doctor hands me the prescriptions and says, "He's not contagious but I have put some refills on the eye drop prescription for you.  Just in case you don't wash your hands well after you put them in his eye."  HA!  :))  I think he's read this situation all wrong, really I am very on top of things...usually. ;)

The wine of the day is Camelot chardonnay.  This princess has some serious adjusting of her crown to do, it tends to slide a little sideways when one is bent over the mop bucket.  Tomorrow we will all get to see a real prince marry his princess!   All of us everyday princesses will have to step away from the washing machine, prop that crown proudly on our heads and enjoy a moment of royalty.

Happy Thursday!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Top 10 Things I Said I Would Never Do.

Once upon a time there was a young mom who thought she new a lot, a whole lot.  She had definite ideas on how things were to be done and she didn't see any reason why things wouldn't happen according to her plans.  Then I had three boys. ;)  Over the course of the last 14 years, I have learned as many lessons as they have.  I have grown up in a myriad of ways thanks to these crazy three.  Here are the top 10 things I used to say that I now know were either completely wrong or just utterly ridiculous. ;)

10.  I will never leave my house in my pj's.  I do this almost on a daily basis.  Getting three boys out the door on time with backpacks, lunches and underwear is enough to send my head spinning.  Don't laugh each of these things has been forgotten..more than once. ;)  I dread the day that I run out of gas, get a flat tire or have an accident and I get discovered in my cupcake jammies and slippers.  Apparently, I don't dread that day enough to actually get out of said jammies. ;)

9.  My kids will not play with guns.  Yeah, right.  They are boys, if they don't have a gun to shoot they will make one out of legos, bite a piece of bread into the shape of one or just use their finger.  We have all sorts of guns here now, my favorite is the nerf.  Besides the orange nerf darts turning up in all sorts of odd places around the house, they really are pretty fun.  Bud and I once staged an ambush on the three little buggers with our nerf stampede super rifles.  It's always good when your kids can tell people that their mom shot them right in the head, which mine have done.  That story would sound so much better if they would just specify the nerf part! ;)

8.  I will never hide from my kids.  I know it's completely immature, but sometimes a momma just needs a moment.  I highly recommend this as a form of self preservation.  The closet is a good place, but I like the laundry room, no one ever goes in there. ;)  Just a few moments of peace can make all the difference, and I promise when you hear them talking to each other about where you might be you will get a chuckle and forget all about whatever drove you into hiding in the first place. :)

7.  I will never encourage my kids to get into a fight.  Up until a few months ago I thought this one might hold.  No such luck, sometimes when they have tried all other avenues of conflict resolution there is only one piece of advice to offer....deck him, but you better make the first one count.  Thankfully, it never came to that.   I think knowing that he could punch the kid and we would back him up is probably what gave him the confidence to stand up to a bully.  Giving that particular piece of advice felt so wrong, but I know it was right.

6.  I will not let my kids see PG-13 movies until they are 13.  Well, that rule worked great...on the first kid.  No so great with the middle and little.  When there is a 6 year age gap between oldest and youngest, the only way to not grow the little one up too fast is to not let the big one grow up at all.  That just doesn't work.  I am careful to check the reviews before viewing to make sure they have that rating just for violence.  HA! That just made me laugh, I totally justified taking a 7 year old to see Iron Man because it was "just for violence."  A+ parenting in the works. ;)

5.  I won't ever say cuss words in front of my kids.  Since one of my kids coined the phrase jerkass when he was 4,  I think it's pretty obvious this didn't hold true for very long. ;)  Enough said...don't judge.

4.  I could never NOT like one of my kids.  Oh, how I wish this were true.  But alas, they are imperfect just like their daddy and sometimes that is hard to like. ;)  Just kidding, they get a lot of those imperfect traits from me.  I will always love them, that's the truth for sure.  But, there are times when I don't like the way they are acting and I might not like them very much.  I'm pretty sure the feelings are mutual at those times. ;)

3.  I will not spank my kids.  Now, that's just laughable. :))   I have spent a good portion of the last 12 years or so with a wooden paddle in my back pocket.  I can whip that thing out so fast it will make their heads spin, and their behavior cease.  I'm pretty sure if I had a pair of six guns hanging at my sides I could beat anybody at 20 paces. ;)

2.  I will never yell at my kids.  Umm, have you met freak out mommy?  She sometimes makes a visit when the little people here have pushed just one too many times in a day.  Like the paddle it really only has to happen once and the mere mention of "freak out mommy" will send the little darlings scarttering.

And the #1 thing I once said and now know is total crap is...

1.  My kids will never do "that".  Truth of the matter is that my kids HAVE done "that" and WILL do "that" about 100 more times in 100 more ways before they are grown up and are no longer under the ruling of freak out mommy.

There you have it, just 10 of the lessons I have learned so far thanks to my boys.    This list could actually have been a tad longer, but that's all I feel like fessing up to today.  ;)  The best lesson I have learned is that I really know nothing.  Whatever I think I know is probably wrong or backwards or something, and I will probably change my mind about it.   So know I will just do what the Beiber does and "Never Say Never"!

The wine of the day is Picket Fence Pinot Noir.  Because the vision of the perfect couple in the little white house with the white picket fence and perfectly manicured lawn and gardens and 2 kids and a dog is where I started out.  Where I am, I could have never even imagined in my near sighted little brain.  Got the perfect couple thing down just right; the rest of it is a hodge-podge of near insanity.  Three crazy gun toting, ball throwing, playing in the dirt boys, 2 of the cutest and most expensive mutts in the world, a yard that borders on Sanford & Sons (see 3 crazy boys description to explain this) and no fence.  And, I wouldn't trade one bit of it for anything in the world.  :)  My glass isn't just half full, it's running over (probably on the floor, that's where the mutts come in handy.;)

Happy Wednesday!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Paint Ball and The Family Jewels.

About four months ago, I was messing around on my computer and up popped an email.  It was from a discount website that offers "deals" for food and entertainment in our local area.  The deal of the day was for paint ball.  It included all the safety gear, guns and 500 rounds of ammo.   Jackpot!  Perfect Christmas gift for my four testosterone laden boys!  I could not have been more excited to wrap those gift certificates up and stow them under the tree.  On Christmas morning I waited until the initial mayhem had died down to pull out my super secret super exciting gift.  All four of them tore into the packages and three of them jumped up and down with pure joy.  The hubby was a little less excited.  Seems he had been paint balling one other time and came home black and blue.  Oops.  Sorry about that Bud.

This weekend we actually had a whole three days with no sports.  This is a pretty rare occurrence around here, and might not happen again until the year 2019 (that is NOT an exaggeration)!  Bud got the boys all signed up for their paint ball excursion, and early Saturday morning they were fired up and ready to go.  His underlying motive of giving up a sleep in Saturday was cooler temperatures make it more comfortable to layer clothing. ;)  No way he was going into that battle with shorts and a t-shirt on.   The little (in an effort to be "big" and not get told he was too young to go) hustled on back to his room to get ready.  About 15 minutes later he comes back out looking like the little kid from A Christmas Story.  He has on jeans, underwear (surprising as he often forgets this basic item of clothing), two short sleeved t-shirts, two long sleeved t-shirts a fleece and a hoodie.  He's also walking a little funny, a little wide legged, if you know what I mean.  "Hey buddy, what have you got going on under there? Did you add some extra layers on the bottom?"  He just looks at me matter-of-factly, knocks twice on his crotch area and says, "Yep, I put on my sliding pants and my cup.  Got to protect the family jewels mom." I'm not really sure what the appropriate response to this should be so I just decided to go with it.  "You're right little, it's important to protect the family jewels, good thinking."  He waddles off to the car happily, thinking he is armored up and ready to go!

About four peaceful quiet hours later, here they come.  They have had a blast!  Their clothes are all splotchy with paint and their skin is all splotchy with bruises!  The big and middle look like someone has drawn red white and blue polka dots all over their skin and my poor hubby is exhausted.  He did get to "shoot the little turkey's" a few times, so it wasn't a total loss. ;) In their many tales of battle they explain the rule of surrender.   If you are out of ammo you can throw your hands up in the air and no one is allowed to shoot you.  Guess who has zero paint splotches on his clothes, not even one?  You aren't the youngest of three brothers without knowing a little about how to protect yourself. ;)  The only spot on the little one was the BBQ sauce on his face from their stop by the Buffalo Wild Wings afterwards.  The cup wasn't necessary after-all.  ;)

The wine of the day is Raw Power Shiraz.  It seemed appropriate after listening to all the stories from the battlefield for the last two days.  I have been instructed, in the kindest possible way, to NEVER EVER buy gift certificates for a paint ball war again.  Apparently, if I am so inclined to purchase those in the future, I might find a gift certificate for the local bait shop in my stocking and 4 fishing poles under the tree.  Ummm, no thanks.  Next year I'm getting them all gift certificates to the local golf course! ;)

Happy Easter Sunday!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Wednesday, April 20th....Few of My Favorite Tricks

Over the years of parenting 3 boys many types of issues have come up.  During the little years we worked on sharing, potty training and not biting (harumphhh, middle kid...just sayin;).  As they grew, so did their issues.  Things like how to be a good friend and how to behave in public; basically just acting like a normal human being.  During all of this, I will admit, I resorted to more than one type of trickery to get the job done.  I'm not totally proud of this, but sometimes a mom's got to what a mom's got to do. ;)  Here are a few of my favorite tricks that worked thru the years.

My very most favorite and probably the most effective trick?  I call it "the manager".  This little item got me thru more than a few nights of dining out with my rat pack.  Before entering any eating establishment I would line the boys up, list out the expectations of the evening and then give them a friendly reminder about the manager.  They knew that if they could not behave and sit at dinner like gentlemen then the manager of the restaurant would remove them from our table and they would spend the remainder of dinner in his or her office.  After all, I would explain to them, I'm not the one acting like a heathen, therefore I will finish my meal.  This tactic is especially effective at restaurants with wait staff as you can say that any person walking around waiting tables is the manager.  As an added bonus, many of these establishments have a manager stop by each table during the course of the meal and ask, "Is everything OK here?"  This question can be taken in many ways and has more than once stopped one of my little sugar pack flipping, spoon banging, food throwing rascals right in their naughty tracks.  To this day when the manager stops by our table to check on us, all three of them will sit up a little straighter and any shenanigans going on will cease immediately.  I'm sure this little trickery of mine will cause one or all of them some sort of anxiety about restaurants when they are grown up...they can tell their therapist alllll about it.  I'm good with that, by then I'll be planted on a beach somewhere with a fruity drink and a good book. ;)

My second favorite form of child manipulation came to me one day while driving down the highway.  Pure stroke of genius, this one is.  The boys and I were on a trip to the big downtown library on this oh so wonderful day.  There was, as usual, a LOT of bickering going on in the back seat.  After about the 100th time of telling them to knock it off, I caught the On Star button out of the corner of my eye.  Instantly I knew what had to be done, "If you boys don't stop fighting back there I'm going to push this button and they will come and get you straight from this car."  Once that was out of my mouth, there was no turning back.  At first they weren't too sure if I was telling the truth on this, it sounded a little far fetched, even to the 2 yr old.  The older two didn't buy it for a second and immediately started back in with whatever the argument was about, I'm sure it was something earth shattering...not. ;) After a few minutes of that I reached right up there and punched that button.  Three sets of eyes got real big and mouths clamped shut.  And, guess what happened?  The nice On Star lady came on over the radio speakers in the car and said, "Hello there Mrs. Crazy, what can I help you with today?"  You have never seen three boys shrink so fast and so small in all your life.  How I was able to answer her without busting out laughing is beyond me, but I just calmly said back, "Everything is fine, I must have hit that button on accident, so sorry."  For the longest time afterwards I would only have to reach towards that little button and in an instant the car would become completely silent.  Btw, that also worked to keep one little Houdini in his car seat. ;)

As the boys got older I opted for stupidity to get me thru some tough spots.  "Mom, what does it mean when you stick your middle finger up at someone?"  This one came at me when the oldest was just 8 years old and had seen an older kid at school do that to someone.  "Hmm, I don't know, do you know?"  When the answer to that was no I calmly said, "Well when you figure it out let me know!"  This "I know nothing" gig also works well when a particular toy that might have had one too many lights and sounds for a mommy to remain sane turns up missing.  "Mom, have you seen my toy?"  A deer in the headlights look here and a quick, "Ummm, nope haven't seen it" will send the little tot away still in search of the precious (annoying) toy.  They never need to know that I filed that toy in the "round file" the previous evening when everyone was night night.  What they don't know won't hurt them right?  And, it might just save a tiny piece of my sanity.  I need to hold on to as many of those little pieces as possible lest I end up in the looney bin instead of on a beach some day. ;)

Nowadays, most of my "tricks" don't work.  Everyone knows the on star button is for directions and no one is buying that manager business anymore. ;)  Rats!  Now just a simple honest and quick answer to any question is what they need.  A clear line between expectation and consequences works with this older bunch, and I love that!  Of course, a good kick in the pants is also necessary every now and then...they are boys. ;)

The wine of the day is The Slammer Syrah.  When I was reminding the boys of these stories and we were all laughing about it at dinner the little one says, "I'm surprised you never told us the police would throw us in jail!"  Ohh, ummm yeah, about that....;)

Happy Wednesday!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Tuesday, April 19th...My Favorite Things

This past weekend the middle kid and I traveled to Nebraska to see my sister get married.  It was a beautiful wedding and my sister looked happier than I have ever seen her.  There really is nothing more important in life than being happy. :)

Having three boys relatively close in age makes it hard to spend one on one time with each kid.  The big kid and I have been to several tennis tournaments together recently and the little one is, well the little one, which just means more mom time.  Finding time to do things with just the middle is a challenge, so when this wedding came up and the little one needed to stay home for a baseball tournament, I jumped at the chance to take the middle guy and go!  You know the saying, "It was worth the price of admission"?  Here are the top 10 things I loved about spending time at a wedding with my middle guy!

10.  Surprising him with first class tickets (thanks to airline miles) and watching his reaction at the airport when he figured it out.  It went like this when we got to the check in counter, "No mom, not that line."  Yep, buddy we need to check in.  "No mom, that's the first class line."  Oh, well we are first class.  "WHAT?!?"  Lots of jumping up and down here..."We are FIRST CLASS?"  He's starting to get a little hyped up which equals lots of volume for him.  "YES!!  I'M A PRIORITY!"  People all around us are cracking up, which fuels that fire.  "OH YEAH, VIP COMING THRU...CHILL IS IN THE HOUSE!"  Chill is a nickname he has around our house, I'm not sure why, maybe we are trying for the self fulfilling prophecy thing? ;)

9.  Having the middle kid say "thank you" to a service man in uniform sitting behind us without me saying a word about it.  :)  He has a new appreciation for those people serving our country after this trip.  We witnessed many goodbyes in the different airports we were in; each one of them heartbreaking.  It's easy to take that job for granted until you are reminded of the sacrifices that are being made daily.

8.  Listening to the middle laugh at Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure on the plane.  He was laughing from his toes,  his belly laugh was so loud people around us were laughing at him laughing, and the flight attendant came over to ask what in the world we were watching that was so funny.  That movie is a classic!

7.  Watching him loose his mind for a second in the airport when our second plane was delayed and then delayed again and then a gate change and then delayed again.  Waiting around is not for this kid and after about 45 minutes of them not loading the plane they had finally "found" for us he says quite loudly, (and in a crowd mind you), "If they don't load us on that plane soon I'm gonna go all Chuck Norris on someone!"  Three people standing near by chimed in with, "right behind you buddy."  Awesome...that does NOT help me make my point of waiting patiently. ;)

6.  Driving up to the hotel which was an "Inn & Suites" and listening to this conversation he was having with himself...out loud.  "It's an inn and suites.  So is it an inn?  Or is it a suite?  Are we staying in a suite or the inn?  Is the inn just a room?  Maybe it's just a sweet room not a suite of rooms?  Mom..Mom...which is it, an inn or a suite?"  Ooops, I guess he was actually having that conversation with me. ;)  Turns out it wasn't a suite or sweet. ;)

5.  Listening to this conversation between my nephew and the middle after I told them it was time to get dressed and go to the church.
Middle:  "Time to go."
Nephew:  "What?  It's only 1:30, the wedding's not til 4, we've got plenty of time."
Middle:  "Well, my mom said it's time to go and if I don't get this cleaned up and get ready she's gonna open up a can of whoop a on me."
Oh yeah baby, I've still got my bluff in on this one!  And, I'm pretty excited he just said "A" instead of the whole word even when he didn't know I was listening! :)  Victory!

4.  Seeing my middle man in a tux.  So grown up looking and so handsome.  I'm not at all biased. ;)

3.  Listening to the wedding coordinator explain to the middle how to light the candles.  She's a "we" person, you know the kind that talks to you like you are 5 years old and uses the word we when she's talking just to you.  I'm finding this whole scene very funny, only because "we" are just sitting on the pew watching. ;)  She has him fake light all the candles on the grooms side and then takes him across to the bride's side stopping in the middle to offer some useful instructions on the unity candle.  "Now, middle kid, we don't want to light these candles.  They are for someone else to light.  Understand?  N O means no."  And then as if he might not understand the meaning of that she offers it up once again, "N....O means NO."  That must have been his breaking point, because he busts out laughing.  And, because he has just a little bit of his momma in him he turns to me and says, "Hey mom...get that?  N  O means no, WE aren't going to light those candles."  ;)  His sarcasm and smart alecness are totally lost on her, she is just overjoyed that he apparently understood her instructions.  :))

2.  Watching the middle kid do the worm at the reception.  That kid can seriously bust a move.  I'm pretty sure he gets that from me. ;)

1.  Posing for a pre-wedding photo with my sister.   That might not sound like it should be my #1 reason for loving a weekend away with my middle, but only my middle could have made pre-wedding photos fun like this.  Seriously, the kid has comedic timing like no other, besides maybe Kramer from Seinfeld and his was all scripted. ;)  Just as the photographer was taking aim he made a sideways dive in front of us in an attempt to get in the pic.  Below is how that worked out.

Chill. Is. In. The. Hoooouuusseeee!

The wine for today is The Stump Jump reisling.  I mentioned this out loud and the ensuing jumping around was enough to make me choose it.  Somehow the word stump also conjured up a few jokes too (not sure why I was surprised by this.) The big one starts off with, "hrrrr hrrr, nice stump."  Followed right up by the middle with, "hrrr, that's what she said." Ohhh, for crying out loud must I take the word stump out of my vocabulary too?  Note to self....choose your words veeerrryyy carefully, I must never let my guard down with these three, lest I make the mistake of saying something crazy like, "Careful, that might be a booby trap."  That actually came all the way out of my mouth before I realized the can of worms I was opening up. Never ever say the word booby....rookie mistake. ;) 

Happy Tuesday!

Friday, April 15, 2011

Friday, April 15th...Date night and A Life Lesson

One night earlier this week an odd thing happened.  Something that only happens once in a blue moon. A phenomenon so rare that when it happens it leaves me speechless (not an easy thing to do).  We had no games, no practices, no school activities and no kids!  Holla!  Bud and I, after marveling at our good fortune for about 15 minutes decided to use this time wisely and sped off to one of our favorite restaurants.  The kind of place you can sit and talk and take your time.  For a two half crazed parent's that spend 99% of their time working the zone defense, this place is like a mini vacation.  We sat there and talked for a good 2 hours and not once did someone say...can you pick him up?  This one needs to be here at this time. Don't forget the gear.  Or it's your turn to make them brush their teeth. ;)  We had real grown up conversation.  Wow!  What a treat!

While we were enjoying dinner, the boys were at the last regular season home game for the Thunder with Uncle T.  Pretty cool for them especially since Uncle T just got a rockin new job and will be moving away in a couple of months. After the game we arranged to meet Uncle T to get the boys at a gas station downtown.   While saying our goodbyes and thank you's, a lady walked over and asked bud for some money.  Seems her aunt had passed away and she needed some money for gas to get to the funeral.  Hmmm, something seems fishy here, it's probably the fact that she doesn't have a car. ;)  I hustle the boys quickly into our car (pun is totally intended:) and Bud offers to fill her car up.  Of course, her car is at another gas station and if he could just follow her.....yadda yadda.  Not happenin.  During this whole conversation there are three faces glued to the rear window of the car getting a flash course in how to be kind to others, and not get hustled.  Driving away from there the middle one says, "Well, that was weird."  The little one adds, "I don't know about you guys, but I don't believe her story for a second, she just wanted some money.  Probably wanted to go buy some beer or somethin, maybe some smokes."  What?  I swear I don't where he gets this stuff and I don't know how he "gets" things so quickly.  Sometimes, he scares me a little bit. ;)  On the way home we discussed safety and stranger danger.  Also, ways to help someone who is really in need in a way that is safe for everyone.  It's hard to explain all of that in a way that makes sense, isn't scary and teaches them to be non-judgemental.  Really hard.  Finally that whole thing blew over as they started telling us what they saw at the game.  They saw two dads with a baby, a lady who barely fit in her chair and a lady who barely fit in her top. ;) Soooo, how was the game? The middle one shoots out, "I liked it!  Lots of good stuff to look at around us." (snicker snicker, elbow big kid in the ribs, hahaha).  Ohhh  many boob jokes start flying around the car I can't even stand it. So I start right in on my lecture of respecting women and accepting all people for who they are and how they look....blah blah blah is all they heard.  That and the little one learned 2 new slang terms for boobs.  Awesome.  Why do I ever wonder where he "gets this stuff"?

The wine for today is Middle Sister's Wicked White.  Tomorrow morning the middle kid and I are going to Nebraska for my sisters guessed it, she's the middle sister. :)  He is lighting the candles in the wedding and will be looking snazzy in his tux, but he needs black dress shoes.  About 9:00 this morning, I realized that I have probably perfected the art of procrastination. ;) "Hey middle kid, we need to go shoe shopping for you tonight."  Big eye roll here and, "Why can't I just wear my nike's, they're black?"  Because you can't, no complaining.  A few minutes later he walks in my room with the big industrial 25 ft tape measure and says, "My feet measure about 9 inches and my nike's are almost 12.  Can you just pick some up for me?"   It's hard to get mad at such a resourceful young man.  Just fyi....this type of measuring is not an accurate way to "pick up" some shoes.  I wonder if I wrap the nike's in black duct tape if anyone will notice?  Classy.  Hopefully this shoe faux pas won't bring out the "wicked" part of the middle sister. ;)

Happy Friday!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Tuesday, March 12th....Today I am the best

Today I am back in the running for mother of the year.  Why, you ask would a mom who is prone to forgetfulness, has been known to stomp her feet and scream at the top of her lungs in frustration, and often throws away important documents such as homework be up for this most prestigious award?  I'm actually asking myself that question as well, since I'm pretty sure just 2 days ago I was the worst mom in the universe.  I've always wanted to be Miss Universe, just not Miss Worst Mom in the Universe. ;)  Whatever, if it has a sash and a crown, I'll take it. ;)

Today, the little one burst thru the front door after school with great news of no trouble at school.  This is especially newsworthy since that hasn't been the report given for the last 2 months.  I asked him what he did differently today to make this such a great day.  He replied, "I took your advice and decided to fly under her radar.  Which isn't that easy because she has some pretty low radar."  This is true, her radar is so low that I am quite sure I couldn't get under it if I were to be in her class.   We talked for a few minutes about ways to be yourself without upsetting the balance of power in the classroom.  I then produced the treat of treats...a popsicle!  This wonderful surprise was met with the biggest grin his face would hold and a most profound statement said with certainty and gusto, "Today you are the best mom I've ever had!"  Oh, well, ummm thanks, I think?  Wait just a second here, aren't I the only mom you've ever had?  Did I miss something?  Was there an older model here before me?  Well, at least I'm the newest model, on this day I am someone's favorite, and when I fall out favor again I still have that sash and crown handy. ;)

Tonight's wine hour, dinner hour, homework hour, bath hour and bedtime hour will be spent at the local baseball park.  Better known as my home away from home.  As much as I would love to take the little juice box wine's I was recently given as a most unexpected and exciting gift, that doesn't seem quite right.  Instead I will load up a Sonic route 44 water with extra ice and a lime.  Just for fun I think I'll get the middle kid a route 44 Dr Pepper and see how that works out for him in his late game. ;)  I'm laughing just thinking about him all hyped up on DP playing catcher! :))  Baseball and a show...this baseball night suddenly just got a lot more interesting!

Happy Tuesday!

Friday, April 8, 2011

Friday, April 8th...First Swim?

One of the most notable things about the state of Oklahoma is our weather.  If you were to listen in on any one of a dozen conversations, at any one of a dozen places around here, you will hear at least 11 of them commenting in some way on the weather. ;)  A common saying is "if you don't like the weather, just wait 5 minutes".  Two weeks ago I was watching loads of sports wrapped up in 10 layers of clothes with a blanket on top!  Today I spent the day watching the big one play tennis in shorts and a tank top. Apparently I sweated all of my dutifully applied sunscreen off in about the first 30 minutes.  I know this because I am now sporting some sweet new tan lines. ;)  This off color shade of pink I have on my arms and legs is much better than the offensive shade of orange I had two days ago.

On Wednesday of this week I went against all that is good and holy in the world and gave the old sunless self tanner one more shot. This is not my first foray into the world of sunless tanners, no, not even close to the first.  I have been thru no less than 17 different brands of new wonder products that promise the perfect shade of tan in a short amount of time without any sun exposure at all.  The previous 16 times were a complete failure resulting in my skin turning out every conceivable shade of orange.  Why I thought this new product would be "the one" is beyond my current comprehension.  What was I thinking?  I mean really...what. was. i. thinking.  But alas, the promise of golden bronze skin while the weather is still waffling between frigid and sweat lured me in once again.  This one is a gel!  Oh yes, a gel...that HAS to be better than those old stinky lotions.  I am confident this will make me a sun goddess without the sun. They have certainly concocted the perfect formula of chemicals that will rub on smoothly without the appearance of bruise like spots on my knees and ankles.  Uh huh...sure thing.  First I shower and carefully (ie..painfully) exfoliate my skin down to some sort of sub dermis level which I fear is very close to the bone.  I'm sure my previous failures have been the lack of a good scrub before application.  Right.  Then I apply the gel exactly as directed on the packaging.  I am meticulous about following the instructions this time because if it wasn't the lack of exfoliation in previous orange debacles, it was me not following instructions.   I admit, I have been known to "skim" things I read and then guess at all the details that I supposedly just went thru thourghoughly. ;)  When I am finished with the application, taking special care to not over apply to the knees and ankles, I wash my hands diligently. Orange palms are a dead giveaway that you've been experimenting with the self tanners. ;)  Then I wait.  I'm pretty excited about this because I've heard at least 11 people say it will be in the 90's by Friday, and I want to be bronzed up and ready to go by then!  About 6 hours later I'm ready to check out these gorgeous gams of mine.  As I gaze down at my legs a feeling of complete horror comes over me.  Panic is tightening my throat and clenching my stomach.  I feel sick.  My legs are orange...Oh yes they  I look like an orangutang from the waist down.  Upon further inspection I notice that one of my knees looks like it belongs to a 5 year old boy who has just received his first scooter.  I'm thinking this can't get much worse...then I turn the lights on. ;)  My left foot is completely brown, like really tan beautiful brown.  Well fabulous, the new wonder gel worked...on one 3 inch square patch of skin. ;) Awesome.  Btw, did you know that you can exfoliate those self tanners right off?  It might take a stiff piece of sand paper, but it will come off leaving some surprisingly soft skin.  Best be careful because that baby soft skin is pretty sensitive to sun if you were to be outside for a long period of time, say watching your big kid play 3 tennis matches. ;)

This afternoon the boys decided it would be a great idea to take a swim.  First swim of the season...always a big deal!   Didn't seem to bother them one bit that the pool looks like it should be sitting in the parking lot of a Motel 6.  Blech.  Did no one notice that the water is a greenish color and you can't really see the bottom in the deep end?  That didn't cause any one of the three of you some concern?  They informed me that it was "all good cuz they weren't opening their eyes in there."  Instead of starting a big harry argument with the three of them I decided on another strategy to get them out of there.  Gazing down at the nasty water I casually threw out, "Hmmm, I can't really see too good in there, wonder what kind of critters might be enjoying a swim too, may even be a little snake down there swimming around.  Huh."  Mission accomplished, everyone out of the pool in T minus 2 seconds.  The big one gave me a big eye roll like he was on to my trickery, but he still dried off and went inside real quick. ;)  Looks like Bud has a busy weekend of baseball and pool chemicals in his future!

The wine of the day is Three Blind Moose chardonnay.  I love to sip on a nice crisp chardonnay lounging by the pool on a beautiful evening.  Feels like I'm on a the Motel 6.  I wonder if this would make the list of "you know you're a redneck when"... you are drinking wine from a dixie cup by your green pool with orange legs. :))  Just kidding on the dixie cup, of course. ;)

Happy Friday!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Tuesday, April 5th....Hissy Fit at a Hamper

Hissy Fit at a Hamper!

I once bought a hamper for clothes
Why I picked it Lord only knows
It seemed great at the time
So I spent a few dimes
It had spaces for tops, pants and hose

At first it worked really well
Organizing the baskets from he**
It had wheels to move
Kept me in the groove
And a top to contain the smell

Then one day it started to break
And all my patience it would take
It came all apart
And broke my heart
A smile I could not even fake

I went right out of my mind
And won’t even try to find
A replacement for it
So I threw a big fit
And now it is time for some wine!

The wine of the day is from Looney Vineyard.  Not even kidding, there is such a thing as the Looney Vineyard and they offer up a nice little pinot noir. Any grown woman who would act the way I did towards her laundry hamper needs to be somewhere for the looney. ;)  The looney vineyard sounds like a LOT more fun than the looney bin to me!  Any other looney's out there care to join me?  We can meet at the corner of Crazy Lane and Bonkers St.  I'll be the one throwing her hamper in the trash with one hand while delicately balancing the cupcake wine glass in the other. ;)

Happy Tuesday!

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Sunday, April 3rd....Power

This has been a busy weekend...2 practices, 4 basketball games and 4 baseball games.  Add no daddy to that mix and I am seriously looking into the cloning process.  Or maybe I should just order a body double.  I wonder if I can order that in about a 5'7" model?  I think I might be on to something here. ;)

As I was watching all of these many many games it occurred to me what a position of power adults hold over kids.  As parents, teachers, church leaders, coaches or any other position working in or around kids, we hold a power.  It is the power to encourage or discourage.  To build up or tear down.  With a kind word we can give a child the world; an encouragement we can give them the love of a game.  Using that power to grow their knowledge, whether it be in the classroom, on the field or in our Sunday school room is the greatest way to give back to the world.  Giving a child the chance to learn and grow could mean the next President of the United States, the next Derek Jeter or Michael Jordan, even the next Billy Graham.  Wouldn't you love to be one of the stones in the long line of stepping stones in a child's life to success?  Wouldn't you treasure the knowledge that you had given a little one the opportunity to try something new or to further their knowledge or skill in something?  That power is pretty awesome and can be used to the enlightenment or the detriment of a child.  As with all great power this too comes with great responsibility.  All of us that hold this type of power over a child should tread carefully.  No matter the circumstance, whether they have missed a shot, dropped a ball, not done their homework or left their cleats laying in the middle of the kitchen floor so you can trip over them (just sayin ;) all children need to be treated with respect.  Don't get me wrong, I'm all about the discipline.  I have spent a good portion of the last 14 years with a wooden paddle in my back pocket. ;)  You can teach and mold with discipline and respect.  It is possible to get your point across without belittling or cutting them to the quick.  It takes an amazing amount of patience, humility and grace, three qualities which I am going to grow in myself so that I will always be ready to use any power I might yield in a most positive way.

There was a time this weekend when I saw the perfect use of this power in action.  The middle one is playing on a baseball team this year for a man who has the perfect amount of patience, humility and grace all rolled up in the most positive package.  He instructs with positive comments in such a way that the boys leave every practice and game thinking they are world champions.  They are learning to love the game of baseball and are gaining confidence in themselves that they can succeed, even though they rarely win a game.  On Saturday night about 9:00, which was 12 hours after they began their baseball day, our little team was down 9 to 0.  Ouch.  The middle was playing catcher, his favorite, and he got a little "punch drunk" (I believe that is the term).  He started dancing around back there, flopping his body on the ground, jumping around, chasing runners all the way back to third and then prancing back to home plate.  He was still making good plays and had his head in the game, but his body was checking out.  Picture Kramer from Seinfeld in an 11 year old body playing catcher.  :))  At one point his coach threw some advice out and the middle stops dead in his tracks takes one giant hop to the right looks at his coach and gave him the old "just smile and wave and wave".  I mean, for real, he had the biggest cheesiest grin on his face you have ever seen and waved at him like he was seeing his long lost buddy for the first time in 50 years. :))  The whole place was cracked up laughing.  After the game, instead of being annoyed with his silliness or dragging him down for making a 9 run deficit fun, this great coach just smiled and said, "Middle, thanks for keeping me entertained."  And, that is how it should be done, folks. :)  I had to tell my middle funny man a great big thank you because this sports watching mama needed that ab workout after all the fast food I have eaten this weekend! ;)

The wine of the day is Little Penguin chardonnay.  To all the coaches, parents, teachers, leaders and all the great kids out there..."just smile and wave and wave."  Life should be about fun and learning and all those that aren't aboard that ship....we will just smile and wave. ;)

Happy Sunday!