The W(h)ine Hour..

Every household has one…the whine hour. It’s those bewitching hours between approximately 5 and 8pm in the evening when the kids go crazy and moms across the world lose their minds completely. It doesn’t matter if you have babies, toddlers, kids, tweens, or teens; those hours of dinner/homework/bath time/ bedtime can just about do a momma in. What is a girl to do? It’s simple and brilliant actually, just slip in a little wine of your own! Now, I’m not suggesting anyone down a bottle of whiskey everyday between the hours of 5 and 8, in fact if you do that you will have a few whine hours of your own the next morning. Basically, a little wine during the whine hours will keep you out of the padded cell at the local cookoo house where people will walk by and peek in your little window and say things like “aww, poor mom has lost her marbles” and “hmmm, now that’s a crazy one right there, sits in there all day and hits herself over the head with a Barbie and a hotwheel”. Don’t smirk, it can happen.

So, enjoy the tales of my whine hour, and how I survive each and everyone of one of them with a sense of humor and a good bottle of wine! After all, the whine hour comes around every single day, a girl has to be prepared!


Tuesday, June 21, 2011

More time?

So here we are 4 weeks into summer break, and I have come to a realization.  Things don't slow down in the all.  I had dreams of lounging by the pool watching the boys swim, reading good books and relaxing.  The reality has been a whole lot of running around to tennis practices, vacation bible school and tennis tournaments.  I think it has finally sunk in that time will indeed slow about 10 years when the last one goes off to college.  And then I will be getting lots of pedicures, having lots of lunches with friends I haven't seen in the previous 15 years and travel the world over!  Until then I will be enjoying every moment of my time with these three precious (if not a little rowdy and occasionally annoying) boys. ;) So, if the blogging is inconsistent this summer it's not because a zillion things aren't making me laugh at/with them every single day, it's that I just don't want to miss a single laugh to sit down and write. I think I have written about a hundred blogs in my head over the past 4 weeks, not too many have made it to the computer...and I am totally good with that.  Really, I am.  These memories will store in my head, right?  I've almost got myself convinced. ;)

Two big things have kept me from the computer during the last week.  One is tennis tournaments with the big one.  He is doing really great!  Two second places finishes and yesterday a WIN!  He has also battled thru some personal issues that will be life altering for him.  He is learning at a very young age to channel his ultra competitiveness in a positive way.  Instead of loosing his temper and his concentration he is learning to use prayer and self control to focus all that energy and emotion on the task at hand.  To keep himself centered in the heat of the moment he has chosen to wear a cross necklace that hangs down inside his shirt, great tangible reminder.  That change in him is what got him from 2nd to 1st place, no better reinforcement for a positive change than that!  I am beyond proud of him, I am in awe of him.  To be able to control that at his age the way he did is most impressive.  He is learning to rely on God to help him thru the hard stuff.  I wish I had learned that when I was that young.  On the way home yesterday with his first place trophy sitting on his lap he said, "That was awesome!  I almost lost it a couple of times, but grabbed my necklace and said a quick prayer and all that rage went away.  Satan can suck it, he's got no hold on me."  Got to love the 14 yr old way of putting things. ;)

The second thing that has been taking lots of time is our new favorite family game, Mexican Train Dominoes.  Hours have been spent at the kitchen table with the 5 of us hunkered down plotting our next move and how we can go out first.  It is so much fun, I highly recommend it for anyone, probably age 6 or 7 and up!  It is also great summer math help, lots of adding going on....I like to keep the educational part on the down low. ;)  Check it out...all you really need is a set of dominoes and some little things to use as your "trains" or you can buy a set of dominoes packaged for mexican train and it comes with little trains.

So if you don't hear from for a few days it's probably because I am beating the pants off my family at dominoes. ;)  Guess who the 121 is?

The wine of the day is Barefoot pinot grigio!  When it's over 100 degrees every day you pretty much have to go barefoot; your wine might as well match your outfit. ;)

Happy Summer Tuesday!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

The sky is falling...for real.

Yes...this is the actual temperature.

In my opinion, there should never be 3 numbers in a temperature...never.  This is just too hot.  It is so hot, in fact, that when the boys and I were at the theatre watching the new Kung Fu Panda movie the power went out due to lack of juice to meet the demand.   Have you ever been in a movie when the power went out?  It is dark...real dark.  Take just a moment and imagine the amount of screaming that might happen when it gets pitch dark in a movie....a children's movie...with a bunch of children watching it.  Now multiply that by 100 and you will have some idea of how that went.  I found it funny for about the first 2 minutes; the other 15, not so much.  They did get the power back on and we got to finish the movie which is very cute but a little sad.  At one point the little one leaned over and asked, "Are you crying?"  I said no, but this part is sad.  He replied, "Well I am."  Sweet boy. :)

Not long after the temperature topped out well into the triple digits this happened...

No, that is not a bowl full of golf balls.  That is hail.  Those giant ice balls were catapulting through the air for a good 30 minutes...with the sun out.  What?  Why is the sun out while hail is hammering down upon us.  And, where is chicken little when you need him?  There was no one running around here yelling about the sky falling down.  These crazy boys took a different approach...

Nice hard hat. ;)  Sending kids out in the yard during a hail storm with hard hats on...A+ parenting at it's best. ;)

The wine of the day is Big Whoop!  It's a red, has a screw top and is delightful.  I'm giving it a big whoop because when I bought it the sales girl asked for my ID!  I can't remember the last time I have had someone ask for an ID.  I think I usually walk in with enough of a haggard look about me that they automatically know I'm no where near 21. ;)  When I handed over my license she stared at it for a moment, glanced at me, looked back at my license, stared back at me and then said, "Wow, 70?  You look good for 70."  I am like a deer in the headlights.  I'm pretty sure I have that look in my eyes like maybe the elevator's not going all the way to the top.  I can't decide if she knows 70 is the year I was born or if she really thinks I'm 70.  I seriously can't make sense of it in my head, so I just mumble out a quick "thanks" while trying to decide if I look like I could actually be 70.  This aging situation may be worse than I thought.  Crap. She finally adds, "Oh yeah, I see a lot of people come in here that are way younger than 40 and look a LOT older than you."  Ohh, thank goodness, I can take a deep breath now. I  think the glaze finally leaves my eyes as we finish up the transaction.   I'm sure she is now thinking, "She may look good but she is duuuuummmmb."  HA!  I really am smarter than that. ;)

Happy Thursday!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Baseball and the skinny girl.

When we started baseball season it was so cold outside I thought I might actually freeze my arse off.  Fast forward a few months; we are still playing baseball and it is now so hot I feel like I might be sweating my arse off.  So which is it?  Do you sweat or freeze your arse off?  At the moment I'm hoping it's sweat, because it's about 105 degrees everyday for some unknown reason and just sitting at the ballpark leaves me in a puddle.  The other day I actually wore a tube top and short shorts to the ball park...classy, I know.  I'm going for a new look, it's called classy trashy.  It might include a bikini top and some cut off jean shorts if this little league season doesn't wrap up soon.  And believe me when I one wants to see that. ;)  Since school has been out I've been on a steady diet of chicken fingers, mac & cheese and chunky peanut butter.  There's also been a few more trips through the local drive thru than usual.  When all the exercise you get is watching baseball and driving thru the local fast food joint, things are going to head downhill in a hurry.  My right bicep is the only muscle in my body looking good, thanks to the cork screw.  If I go to all screw top wines, I'm toast!  (not toasted....well maybe both;)

Last night the middle had his last regular season game.  I'm not sure if it was the heat or because it was the last of what feels like about a zillion games, but I was feeling a little feisty.  At one point I told the big kid that I was going to try and get thrown out of the ballpark.  Now, you have to know that normally the loudest I ever get at a little league game is a big CLAP or a well placed positive comment.  I'm seriously cracking myself up at the scene I could make if I started yelling crazy stuff out.  I told the big kid I was going to yell, "Sniff my pickle" to the ump.  And then follow that up with, "Oh wait, I don't have a pickle, sniff his pickle."  The look on his face was priceless, it was a mix between horror and humor. (If your not sure why that is especially funny check out my post from May 31st....careful, cuz it's a little naughty.)  As much as these three shock the heck out of me, sometimes it's nice to shock one of them for a change. ;)  In the end I didn't yell anything more obscene than, "Good hustle chill!"  I'm a real rebel. ;)

The wine of the day is Skinny Girl margaritas.  Yep, that's right, that isn't a wine.  But it sure is a yummy margarita in a super cute bottle!  The way this summer is going I'm going to be in the Betty Ford by the end of August, I'm hoping the Skinny Girl will keep me out of the fat camp. ;)  Don't you just love all my weight loss plans that don't include the gym? :))

Happy Thursday!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Nature? No thanks.

I am what you might call a fair weather fan.  I love to be outside when it is about 78 and sunny with no wind, no humidity and no bugs.  Basically, not where I live at all.  It is 78 degrees here about 3 days per year....unfortunately that is is not an exaggeration.  So far this June we have experienced record heat and no rain.  Not ideal little league watching my opinion.  I now have to take sunscreen and bug spray to every game.  Tonight I was sweating..I mean sitting at the ball park watching the little play some ball.  I had no less than 10 ants, 5 mosquitos and 40 flies on my person during the hour I sat much for that bug spray. ;)  There also seemed to be some sort of little bug biting me which had me slapping at myself and contorting in all kinds of crazy poses in an effort to rid myself of them.  I don't know why I was the only person slapping at myself all evening....maybe the bug spray I used attracts rather than repels insects, or maybe I needed a shower?  Or maybe I've officially lost my mind in this crazy hotness and have started hallucinating.  Unfortunately, I think it's that last option. ;)  During the baseball bug madness, I receive a text from the big kid.  He and the middle are hanging out at home having opted out of the ball park...don't blame them.  Seems there was a snake in the pool.  Well, I hope he drowned.  Sorry to all the snake lovers out there, but I am not counted among you.  Very little creeps me out as much as something slithering around on it's belly.  I told the big kid to just leave the snake in the pool and dad will take care of it when we get home.  This is what I got in reply....

What the heck?  I thought you said it was in the pool!  Why is it all banged out looking and why is it showing it's mouth to you like that?  And most importantly, why do you have your phone that close to it's face while it is showing you it's mouth like that?  Run!  Run away fast!!
All I got back to that was the laughing face. :))  Then he sends one more text..."it's all good, long story, tell u when u get home."  I'm really hoping at this point that this whole thing has been a fake.  Something the two of them have cooked up to get a reaction out of me.  I'm thinking they are probably home laughing at the mental image of me jumping out of my chair and screaming bloody murder in the middle of the little one's baseball game.  No such luck....this is the story I got when we got home.

Big: "We grabbed it with the broom handle and flung it out of the pool.  Then we shot it once with our BB gun."

Middle: "That stupid snake was striking at the end of my broom handle!!  No one strikes at my broom handle and gets away with it...that hacked me off so I shot him.  I loaded him up... 3 times in the body, once in the head and once right in that stupid open mouth."

Me: "I'm guessing it is dead. (met with peals of evil laughter from both of them)  Where is it now?  Is it out of the reach of the dogs?

Big: "No way, we were totally freaked out after the middle busted a cap in him so we threw a bucket over it.  It's waiting outside on the patio."

Well thanks a heck of a lot for that. ;)  I'm waffling between wanting to freak out because they are so cavalier about "busting a cap" in something, and being thankful that the nasty creature is definitely not going to slither across my path tomorrow when I'm digging in my flower beds.  I think I'll go with thankful and hope no one has nightmares tonight...ok, I hope I don't have nightmares, those two will be just fine.

The wine of the day is Leaping Lizard chardonnay.  I'll take a lizard any day over a least they have feet.  I think I just decided to call the local gardner to take care of those flower beds, hope he's packin some heat with those hydrangeas!

Happy Tuesday!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Summer Break?

It's day 3 of summer break and I am seriously questioning the sanity of the genius that decided to call this a "break".  I think that maybe they were confused about the definition of the word itself.  My activity level has gone from zero to sixty in about 2.4 seconds.  And I use the word "my" quite loosely, because none of these activities have to do with ME.  Not that it has to be all about me, but maybe just a little would be nice. ;)  I actually caught myself counting how many days were left of this so called break after the first day.  Not good.  By the way, there's a LOT...a whole lot, I won't even bother writing down how many.  Suffice to say, there will be a lot of research done for this blog over the next 12 weeks. ;)

Today I loaded up the children and we headed to the local sporting goods store.  The middle and little need new shoes.  I guess their shoes being two sizes too small explains why they have been hobbling around here whining about sore feet for 2 weeks.  When someone starts complaining about small shoes my general answer is, why don't you try cutting your toenails and get back to me.  The middle accused me of stunting his growth by not letting his feet grow to their full potential.  Ha...whatever. ;) Picking out new athletic shoes for boys should be a quick and easy task...right?  After 1 hour (not even kidding about that) the little was still trying on different shoes and the middle was complaining that the store didn't have anything cool.  We finally decided on some....or I finally said I am leaving, you can come with me and bring a pair of shoes for me to purchase or you can stay here and keep trying on, your choice.  On the way to the check out a rather loud fight ensued about whether it was hot outside or not.  Seriously, is that worth fighting over?  So, being the excellent (or at my wits end) mom that I am, I yelled at them, "STOP YELLING AT EACH OTHER IN THE STORE."  No less than 30 people (ok, maybe 5 people) turned to stare and the big one burst out laughing, "Mom, you just yelled at them to stop yelling..HAHAHAHA!" Thanks for pointing that out buddy, appreciate ya. ;)  Once we finally arrived at the checkout I asked the young girl working if she made good money working at the sporting good store, would she maybe want to babysit all summer for 3 boys instead?  She glanced at me, checked all three of them out and then gave me a look that said, sorry but there is not enough money in the world for that mess.  With all the sympathy a 16 yr old could muster she said, "Sorry, but I think I'm good here."  Smart girl. ;)  

I'm off to game 5 of the week, apparently baseball doesn't "break" either. ;) When I get back I'll be popping the cork on a bottle of Royal Bitch merlot.  I searched long and hard for a bottle of Whiny Haggard Bitch wine but no one has bottled that one yet.  I guess my inspiration hasn't reached any wineries just yet. ;)