The W(h)ine Hour..

Every household has one…the whine hour. It’s those bewitching hours between approximately 5 and 8pm in the evening when the kids go crazy and moms across the world lose their minds completely. It doesn’t matter if you have babies, toddlers, kids, tweens, or teens; those hours of dinner/homework/bath time/ bedtime can just about do a momma in. What is a girl to do? It’s simple and brilliant actually, just slip in a little wine of your own! Now, I’m not suggesting anyone down a bottle of whiskey everyday between the hours of 5 and 8, in fact if you do that you will have a few whine hours of your own the next morning. Basically, a little wine during the whine hours will keep you out of the padded cell at the local cookoo house where people will walk by and peek in your little window and say things like “aww, poor mom has lost her marbles” and “hmmm, now that’s a crazy one right there, sits in there all day and hits herself over the head with a Barbie and a hotwheel”. Don’t smirk, it can happen.

So, enjoy the tales of my whine hour, and how I survive each and everyone of one of them with a sense of humor and a good bottle of wine! After all, the whine hour comes around every single day, a girl has to be prepared!


Thursday, December 8, 2011

Howdy and a few other buggers.

Howdy!  I just realized I haven't sat down to write anything in about 2 months.  These three and their carpool schedules have not only taken up all my time this school year, but also all of my brain power.  Remembering when to get people here and there and with what gear and stuff is enough to send anyone into early onset Alzheimers.  It's a miracle I haven't forgotten anyone yet, but that fact is a true testament to why I don't sit down to write out the funny side of life.  Add to all that madness that I have started crafting and my sit down and think time has gone to nil.  Yes, I did say crafting, but don't worry I still have on my skinny jeans and stiletto boots to offset any sort of sister wife image. ;)  So, today I decided to step away from the glue gun and paint and let my brain be free!

The subject of my free brain is the carpool line.  Many of you fight this beast every single day and understand why I might need to blow off a little steam about it.  I have decided that carpool lines are indeed the bane of my existence, which actually makes them sound way more glamorous and exciting than they actually are.  They actually suck. Real hard. ;)  I have three carpool lines in my life currently and I have a different hate relationship with each of them.  The one thing I can see that might make all of our carpooling lives a little easier is Carpool Ed.  It should be a mandatory class that all people driving thru a carpool line need to complete (and pass) before they receive a sticker to proudly place on their windshield.  And, no car should be able to pass thru the line without that sticker in full view.  The class would be simple really, just some basics to keep the line moving at a reasonable pace, and keep us behaving in a respectable manner.   Then some of us wouldn't be forced to yell things like A**HOLE or A**WIPE in front of our children at 7:20 in the morning.  So next time you hear one of my children rip off some sort of naughty word you know who to blame.  The carpool line. ;)  I will not take responsibility for these actions because during carpool I am usually having some sort of out of body experience due to the stupidity or utter lack of common courtesy offered up by the other carpoolers.  Unfortunately, until the children can drive themselves to school we are stuck like super glue to this carpool debacle every single day.  I figured that up and it will be a total of 19 years of carpooling.  And I now wish I had not figured that up. ;)

 Here are a few things the class might include...

*Use your's driver's ed 101 and really not that difficult
*Go WITH the flow of traffic when exiting the parking lot...this seems like common sense to me
*Don't put your car in park and exit the car to get your child out....that's what parking spaces are for.
*For the love of God, don't stop in the middle of a busy street and let your kid out...think of the children
*Don't and I repeat don't wait til your child is exciting the car to discuss lunch money or anything else for that matter.  Are you not ready for them to get the heck out of your car?
*Have your child ready to hop out.  It's really not necessary to keep the five point harness engaged once you are in the school parking lot, not moving.
*If your school offers multiple stopping points in front of the building to speed things up, use them.  It's ok for even the littlest of carpoolers to hop out at the #6 spot and walk to the front door of the building.  Most schools have a nice long covered sidewalk full of teachers keeping a watchful eye on the children.
*It is not necessary to watch your child enter the school building before you pull away from the drop off point....especially your high schoolers. ;)  Don't worry, if they decide to take a detour to miss that test in first hour, the school will let you know.

Now I know that this might seem a bit harsh and I am truly sorry if I have offended anyone's carpool sensicals.  Just remember, there are a host of parking spaces you may use to park and walk your child right to their desk if you choose.  Then you won't have some crazy person yelling DUMBA** at you.  By the way, things can get awkward real fast if you happen to have your doggie in the car and the windows are down so that cute little fuzz ball can stick her head out. ;)  Just sayin.

The wine for today is The Guilty, it's a nice shiraz; it might or might not relate to the previous sentence. ;)

Happy Thursday!