Once upon a time there was a young mom who thought she new a lot, a whole lot. She had definite ideas on how things were to be done and she didn't see any reason why things wouldn't happen according to her plans. Then I had three boys. ;) Over the course of the last 14 years, I have learned as many lessons as they have. I have grown up in a myriad of ways thanks to these crazy three. Here are the top 10 things I used to say that I now know were either completely wrong or just utterly ridiculous. ;)
10. I will never leave my house in my pj's. I do this almost on a daily basis. Getting three boys out the door on time with backpacks, lunches and underwear is enough to send my head spinning. Don't laugh each of these things has been forgotten..more than once. ;) I dread the day that I run out of gas, get a flat tire or have an accident and I get discovered in my cupcake jammies and slippers. Apparently, I don't dread that day enough to actually get out of said jammies. ;)
9. My kids will not play with guns. Yeah, right. They are boys, if they don't have a gun to shoot they will make one out of legos, bite a piece of bread into the shape of one or just use their finger. We have all sorts of guns here now, my favorite is the nerf. Besides the orange nerf darts turning up in all sorts of odd places around the house, they really are pretty fun. Bud and I once staged an ambush on the three little buggers with our nerf stampede super rifles. It's always good when your kids can tell people that their mom shot them right in the head, which mine have done. That story would sound so much better if they would just specify the nerf part! ;)
8. I will never hide from my kids. I know it's completely immature, but sometimes a momma just needs a moment. I highly recommend this as a form of self preservation. The closet is a good place, but I like the laundry room, no one ever goes in there. ;) Just a few moments of peace can make all the difference, and I promise when you hear them talking to each other about where you might be you will get a chuckle and forget all about whatever drove you into hiding in the first place. :)
7. I will never encourage my kids to get into a fight. Up until a few months ago I thought this one might hold. No such luck, sometimes when they have tried all other avenues of conflict resolution there is only one piece of advice to offer....deck him, but you better make the first one count. Thankfully, it never came to that. I think knowing that he could punch the kid and we would back him up is probably what gave him the confidence to stand up to a bully. Giving that particular piece of advice felt so wrong, but I know it was right.
6. I will not let my kids see PG-13 movies until they are 13. Well, that rule worked great...on the first kid. No so great with the middle and little. When there is a 6 year age gap between oldest and youngest, the only way to not grow the little one up too fast is to not let the big one grow up at all. That just doesn't work. I am careful to check the reviews before viewing to make sure they have that rating just for violence. HA! That just made me laugh, I totally justified taking a 7 year old to see Iron Man because it was "just for violence." A+ parenting in the works. ;)
5. I won't ever say cuss words in front of my kids. Since one of my kids coined the phrase jerkass when he was 4, I think it's pretty obvious this didn't hold true for very long. ;) Enough said...don't judge.
4. I could never NOT like one of my kids. Oh, how I wish this were true. But alas, they are imperfect just like their daddy and sometimes that is hard to like. ;) Just kidding, they get a lot of those imperfect traits from me. I will always love them, that's the truth for sure. But, there are times when I don't like the way they are acting and I might not like them very much. I'm pretty sure the feelings are mutual at those times. ;)
3. I will not spank my kids. Now, that's just laughable. :)) I have spent a good portion of the last 12 years or so with a wooden paddle in my back pocket. I can whip that thing out so fast it will make their heads spin, and their behavior cease. I'm pretty sure if I had a pair of six guns hanging at my sides I could beat anybody at 20 paces. ;)
2. I will never yell at my kids. Umm, have you met freak out mommy? She sometimes makes a visit when the little people here have pushed just one too many times in a day. Like the paddle it really only has to happen once and the mere mention of "freak out mommy" will send the little darlings scarttering.
And the #1 thing I once said and now know is total crap is...
1. My kids will never do "that". Truth of the matter is that my kids HAVE done "that" and WILL do "that" about 100 more times in 100 more ways before they are grown up and are no longer under the ruling of freak out mommy.
There you have it, just 10 of the lessons I have learned so far thanks to my boys. This list could actually have been a tad longer, but that's all I feel like fessing up to today. ;) The best lesson I have learned is that I really know nothing. Whatever I think I know is probably wrong or backwards or something, and I will probably change my mind about it. So know I will just do what the Beiber does and "Never Say Never"!
The wine of the day is Picket Fence Pinot Noir. Because the vision of the perfect couple in the little white house with the white picket fence and perfectly manicured lawn and gardens and 2 kids and a dog is where I started out. Where I am, I could have never even imagined in my near sighted little brain. Got the perfect couple thing down just right; the rest of it is a hodge-podge of near insanity. Three crazy gun toting, ball throwing, playing in the dirt boys, 2 of the cutest and most expensive mutts in the world, a yard that borders on Sanford & Sons (see 3 crazy boys description to explain this) and no fence. And, I wouldn't trade one bit of it for anything in the world. :) My glass isn't just half full, it's running over (probably on the floor, that's where the mutts come in handy.;)
The W(h)ine Hour..
Every household has one…the whine hour. It’s those bewitching hours between approximately 5 and 8pm in the evening when the kids go crazy and moms across the world lose their minds completely. It doesn’t matter if you have babies, toddlers, kids, tweens, or teens; those hours of dinner/homework/bath time/ bedtime can just about do a momma in. What is a girl to do? It’s simple and brilliant actually, just slip in a little wine of your own! Now, I’m not suggesting anyone down a bottle of whiskey everyday between the hours of 5 and 8, in fact if you do that you will have a few whine hours of your own the next morning. Basically, a little wine during the whine hours will keep you out of the padded cell at the local cookoo house where people will walk by and peek in your little window and say things like “aww, poor mom has lost her marbles” and “hmmm, now that’s a crazy one right there, sits in there all day and hits herself over the head with a Barbie and a hotwheel”. Don’t smirk, it can happen.
So, enjoy the tales of my whine hour, and how I survive each and everyone of one of them with a sense of humor and a good bottle of wine! After all, the whine hour comes around every single day, a girl has to be prepared!