Good Lord it's cold outside...I mean really cold...like butt kickin cold...why? Did someone leave the freezer door open? They keep saying we are getting "arctic air blasts". As far as I'm concerned the arctic can just go ahead and keep it's air, we are doing just fine down here with our own air, thank you. Tonight we are going to get 8-12" of snow...that total is going up every time one of our weathermen comes on the tv, which happens to be about every 5 minutes. If you don't live in Oklahoma and have never lived here then it's hard to appreciate the supreme drama that goes into our weather. To get just a quick taste of it, watch the you tube video "damn you snow". If I was more tech savvy I would link that video to this blog, but since I am more tech idiot, and it's nothing short of a miracle that I have even created this blog, you'll have to go look that up on your own. ;)
So, this has been an incredibly busy day preparing for noschoolapalooza 2. I've been running around here and there all day picking up things to make it just a touch more bearable for us snow shut in's over the next few days. Plenty of bread, frozen pizzas and soda, a couple new video games for the crazies, and of course, a fun stop at the local wine shop. That was by far the most fun errand of the day, but the funniest was the trip into the grocery store. Us southerners have clearly lost our minds with two storms of the century in 7 days, and grocery carts were piled high to the sky. I mean, you would think we were preparing for the nuclear holocaust and were all heading into a bunker for the next 2 years. With that kind of pressure and the presence of about 200 shopping carts going up and down 15 aisles, tempers were starting to flare. I decided to take a different approach to the impending crisis, humor. I recommend this approach to just about everything in life, and this situation was calling for a double dose. So I started throwing out little comments as I maneuvered my cart around the store, just little one liners out loud to myself (that kind of kind of makes me seem a little crazy, like maybe I really am a part of this frenzy too) "where is all the food? there's no food left on aisle 8? I wonder where the vodka aisle is?" Really, I'm just entertaining myself as I walk thru the store picking up the essentials to not waste away for 3 or 4 days. So, I'm on the brownie/cake mix aisle staring at the box mixes trying to decide which one looks the yummiest when this little old lady slowly makes her way around the corner by me. She is elderly, maybe 95 or something and is creaking along using her grocery cart as a walker, and she stops by me and throws out...as deadpan as they come "if I have to stay in my house one more week, I'm not going to be able to walk!" I'm thinking, oh you poor thing, this cold weather probably really hurts. She continues on, "I'm going to have to waddle!" :)) Then she picks up some brownie mix, tosses it in her cart and moves on down the aisle. LOOOOVE this!! I will definitely have what she's having....I got the same brownie mix and headed to the check out. My work here is done.
As usual, my 3 reasons for starting the w(h)ine hour have had their moments in the last day or so too. Here are a few of the highlights:
Last night as the middle was getting into bed I reminded him to put his retainer in. He reached for the case and realizing it wasn't in there, started looking around for it. He finally located it on the floor. He grabbed it up, and immediately threw it in his mouth. He got a real funny look on his face, and when he took it back out to inspect it he noticed that one end of it was completely mangled. "What the heck happened here?" he says all innocence. I don't know middle, what was it doing on the floor? He looks it over very carefully, and very slowly like he's inspector 21 at the local sock factory and then says, "hmm, I think the dog ate it." What? Gross, you had that in your mouth, blah! I immediately instruct him to run into the bathroom and wash his mouth out with Listerine, in quite a shrieking alarming tone of voice. He really can't understand why I'm all excitable thinking he needs to clean his mouth out until I point out in a much more quiet, casual tone of voice, "you know she licks her butt." and then I add with a smirk, "she also eats poop." That did it, he's in the bathroom in T minus 2 seconds and I enjoy a good laugh all by myself. Really, it's been days since he's worn it, so I know that any real germs would be long gone by now. ;) So, off we go to the orthodontist this morning to get that thing fixed...jokes on me now. ;)
After coming home from basketball practice and a quick trip by our accountants office with dad, the little one comes up to give me a big hug and promptly lets out the most tremendous belch I have heard in a long time. Gross! Seriously, little guy, that is disgusting. He looks right at me, no smile, no laugh just this...."why fart and waste it when you can burp and taste it." You cannot imagine how big my eyes got, I was seriously at a loss for words here (which doesn't happen often). He immediately follows up in a very casual tone of voice with "that's what the accountant taught me." Off he walks like it is no big deal, like what he just did wasn't completely disgusting and what he said wasn't hilarious! I swear, I don't know where these kids come from some times...must get it from their father. ;)
Today's wine is the 7 Deadly Zins. That name just has so much promise, doesn't it? I bet if you drank the whole bottle you would commit at least 5 of those. I'm not gonna try it. If anyone else wants to, make sure you report back, I'd looove to hear how that works out! ;)
The W(h)ine Hour..
Every household has one…the whine hour. It’s those bewitching hours between approximately 5 and 8pm in the evening when the kids go crazy and moms across the world lose their minds completely. It doesn’t matter if you have babies, toddlers, kids, tweens, or teens; those hours of dinner/homework/bath time/ bedtime can just about do a momma in. What is a girl to do? It’s simple and brilliant actually, just slip in a little wine of your own! Now, I’m not suggesting anyone down a bottle of whiskey everyday between the hours of 5 and 8, in fact if you do that you will have a few whine hours of your own the next morning. Basically, a little wine during the whine hours will keep you out of the padded cell at the local cookoo house where people will walk by and peek in your little window and say things like “aww, poor mom has lost her marbles” and “hmmm, now that’s a crazy one right there, sits in there all day and hits herself over the head with a Barbie and a hotwheel”. Don’t smirk, it can happen.
So, enjoy the tales of my whine hour, and how I survive each and everyone of one of them with a sense of humor and a good bottle of wine! After all, the whine hour comes around every single day, a girl has to be prepared!