This title will probably pop up frequently, and for good reason. This household of males that I live in often seem to be reading stuff right from a script. I'm not even sure if you could script some of this! It's like a continuous improv night right here in my living room. Or, as it was today...in my car.
A close friend of mine welcomed a new nephew into her family yesterday. Sooo very exciting, her sister had her first baby! The boys all know Sissy, so i was telling them about her new baby boy in the car. We are discussing his weight and what hospital they were in, basically all the fun new baby 411, when the little ones says, "Where do babies come from?" Yikes, I was not expecting that. I was just b-bopping along in my car talking sweet new baby stuff...I think you call that a sucker punch. ;) Just to preface, I have always been very honest with my boys. It is my very public policy that I will tell you the truth, but if I deem the whole truth to be too much for the maturity level I'm talking to, I will share only what I think you can handle. I am very open about this, always have been. They know that they can ask me anything, and believe me, some of the questions they have asked have made me blush to the very roots of my hair, whatever color they may be ;) As I'm thinking thru the age appropriate response to the 8 yr old, the big one blurts out, "They come out the...."V" word." Except he said it all out, in it's full glory. A word I would have never said in front of my mother. The fact that he is completely comfortable yielding that particular anatomically correct phrasing floors me. I'm also slightly impressed because he doesn't look the least bit embarrassed or uncomfortable. After I pulled my car back up off the shoulder of the road, I give him the "the look". Does he even realize what he has just done? That is against company policy! That is too much information for the maturity level of the one you are speaking to! Thankfully, the occupants of the back seat didn't here him correctly, and the little one says, "from where?" At this point, I am sure he has understood the meaning of "the look" and will rephrase his answer to something a tad more suitable to the situation. Nope. He blurts it out again. Seriously buddy, you are killing me here. They didn't understand him again so the middle starts saying words close to it trying to figure out what is being said and the little one is saying, "what'd he say? what was that?" Like a little old man at the nursing home Thursday night bridge game. Actually, no one could hear anything that anyone was saying because I was yelling at the top of my lungs in a nervous sing songie kind of voice, "What is happening? What is going on? Who said that? Who said what? Whose on third? What's on first?" It's always a good idea to throw out a little three stooges when trying to distract the three stooges! ;) All the hubub finally dies down and in the silence the middle says, "Virgina?" The little follows right up with, "Virginia? You get babies in Virgina? Isn't that a long way from here?" Everyone but him knows that isn't the truth and every single one of us says..."Yep, that's right, Virginia." So much for always being up front and telling everyone the truth. I feel a new policy coming on....protect the innocence of the youngest as much as humanly possible. That is my new mission!
The wine of the day is Marilyn Merlot and the Naked Grape. I'm feeling a little sassy...that's just the kind of day this has been. ;) While sipping this delightful wine I highly recommend viewing Gentleman Prefer Blonds starring none other than the fabulous Miss Monroe! Because diamonds really are a girls best friend, followed closely by a muzzle in size teenager. ;)
The W(h)ine Hour..
Every household has one…the whine hour. It’s those bewitching hours between approximately 5 and 8pm in the evening when the kids go crazy and moms across the world lose their minds completely. It doesn’t matter if you have babies, toddlers, kids, tweens, or teens; those hours of dinner/homework/bath time/ bedtime can just about do a momma in. What is a girl to do? It’s simple and brilliant actually, just slip in a little wine of your own! Now, I’m not suggesting anyone down a bottle of whiskey everyday between the hours of 5 and 8, in fact if you do that you will have a few whine hours of your own the next morning. Basically, a little wine during the whine hours will keep you out of the padded cell at the local cookoo house where people will walk by and peek in your little window and say things like “aww, poor mom has lost her marbles” and “hmmm, now that’s a crazy one right there, sits in there all day and hits herself over the head with a Barbie and a hotwheel”. Don’t smirk, it can happen.
So, enjoy the tales of my whine hour, and how I survive each and everyone of one of them with a sense of humor and a good bottle of wine! After all, the whine hour comes around every single day, a girl has to be prepared!