Pants on the ground, pants on the ground...lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground. If you're an American Idol fan, and even if you're not, you probably have heard this little rap made up and preformed by an Idol hopeful last season. I'm with that guy, not a big fan of the pants "shaggin" real low and hats on sideways. In fact, I have spent a good portion of the last few years telling one boy or another to pull their pants up; no one wants to see your underwear boys. Gross. We also don't do hats with a punkish little tilt to the side. Nope, you can put it on straight forward or full backwards, or you can always just take it off and give it to me. ;) I've only had to snatch up 2 hats to get that point across. No one, not even a 10 year old boy, wants to take a hat off in public after they have had one on all day.
This morning the big kid comes out to the kitchen dressed and ready for school. We've had a late spring cold snap so he had on jeans and a jacket. It only took about half a glance for me to see that we have a major problem here. The jeans are about 2 inches too short. Whoa, hold on a second buddy, do you have any other jeans? Seems this is his biggest pair. He's on the verge of a major teenage meltdown, the kind that looks surprisingly similar to a two year old meltdown. "Moommmmmmm, I can't wear these to school! I look like a big dork! We have to get some new jeans! Noooowwww!" What? Are you kidding me? It's 7:30 in the morning buddy, there is no place open to buy jeans right now. The following statement was out of my mouth before I could think it thru; apparently my filter was taking the morning off. ;) "Just pull your jeans down a bunch, tighten up the belt so they don't fall off and let your shirt hang low." Parental suicide has been committed. In exactly 0.2 seconds I have undermined myself in 10 different ways. Crap. Before I can pull my foot out of my mouth the middle one bursts out laughing and says, "Mom, you just told the big kid to shag! HA! You did! You did it! You said he should pull his jeans down and let his undies hang out! HA You actually just said that!" If someone had just walked up on this situation they would probably think the 11 year old had just won the lottery, and the adult in the room was in a vertical coma. I could not focus my sleepy Monday morning brain into any sort of coherent thoughts, let alone intelligent ones. As I start my weak attempt at justifying myself, the little one says in his off the cuff sarcastic way, "Wow Mom. I never thought I'd hear those words come out of your mouth." Clearly, I am done here but I refuse to admit defeat. That is NOT how I want to start this day. Instead I say, "You people (that's how I like to address the three of them when I'm trying to deflect)...You people need to just pipe down here. The kid can't go to school in high waters, and the mall isn't open. Get over it. He'll just have to show his underwear today. Sheesh. You do have underwear on, right?" The big kid gives me an eye roll any girl could be proud of, and the little one jumps up and says, "Uhhh, hang on..I'll be right back." ;)
The wine of the day is Whoop Whoop shiraz. The day ended with a baseball game cancelled for rain and then the sun coming out. Since we had a free night the whole fam loaded up and off we went to the neighborhood tennis courts for a little friendly sport. This resulted in one thrown racket, three naughty words, too many ball jokes to even begin counting, one perfect match, one not so perfect herkie, one pulled hamstring (thanks to that not so perfect herkie) and 3 "home runs"! Quality family time can come in many different forms. ;) I did manage to beat both the 11 and 8 year olds - Whoop Whoop! I think I'll just raise the roof and leave the herkie's to the young-ins. ;)
The W(h)ine Hour..
Every household has one…the whine hour. It’s those bewitching hours between approximately 5 and 8pm in the evening when the kids go crazy and moms across the world lose their minds completely. It doesn’t matter if you have babies, toddlers, kids, tweens, or teens; those hours of dinner/homework/bath time/ bedtime can just about do a momma in. What is a girl to do? It’s simple and brilliant actually, just slip in a little wine of your own! Now, I’m not suggesting anyone down a bottle of whiskey everyday between the hours of 5 and 8, in fact if you do that you will have a few whine hours of your own the next morning. Basically, a little wine during the whine hours will keep you out of the padded cell at the local cookoo house where people will walk by and peek in your little window and say things like “aww, poor mom has lost her marbles” and “hmmm, now that’s a crazy one right there, sits in there all day and hits herself over the head with a Barbie and a hotwheel”. Don’t smirk, it can happen.
So, enjoy the tales of my whine hour, and how I survive each and everyone of one of them with a sense of humor and a good bottle of wine! After all, the whine hour comes around every single day, a girl has to be prepared!