The W(h)ine Hour..

Every household has one…the whine hour. It’s those bewitching hours between approximately 5 and 8pm in the evening when the kids go crazy and moms across the world lose their minds completely. It doesn’t matter if you have babies, toddlers, kids, tweens, or teens; those hours of dinner/homework/bath time/ bedtime can just about do a momma in. What is a girl to do? It’s simple and brilliant actually, just slip in a little wine of your own! Now, I’m not suggesting anyone down a bottle of whiskey everyday between the hours of 5 and 8, in fact if you do that you will have a few whine hours of your own the next morning. Basically, a little wine during the whine hours will keep you out of the padded cell at the local cookoo house where people will walk by and peek in your little window and say things like “aww, poor mom has lost her marbles” and “hmmm, now that’s a crazy one right there, sits in there all day and hits herself over the head with a Barbie and a hotwheel”. Don’t smirk, it can happen.

So, enjoy the tales of my whine hour, and how I survive each and everyone of one of them with a sense of humor and a good bottle of wine! After all, the whine hour comes around every single day, a girl has to be prepared!


Monday, October 17, 2011

Jill of All Trades

A few years ago (ah hem...yes just a few) I attended college where I received a bachelors degree in public administration with a minor in psychology.  All that means is that I know a lot about political science, a little about business and even less about psychology. ;)  Since that time I have done a lot of different things, many of which I have known nothing about until I got started, and didn't really know enough to do them right until I was finished. ;)  What this has created in me is something of a "Jill of all trades".

I'm not a doctor but I can tell the difference between a cold and a sinus infection, can spot a nasty case of strep throat from a mile away and know the dosing on a dozen different medicines in 5 different weight classes without consulting the bottle or box.

I'm not a chef but I can throw a meal together in less than 30 minutes using only the 5 things left in the pantry.  No comment on how it tastes, but's usually better than cereal. ;)

I'm not a race car driver but I can get my mid size SUV from zero to 45mph in 0.3 seconds when leaving late for morning carpool, and can take a corner on two wheels without even a pause in the speech I'm giving on "what not to do".  Let's not discuss my parallel parking skills, race car drivers don't have to parallel park. ;)

I'm not a psychologists but I can talk someone off a "teenage" cliff, negotiate inter-family differences (i.e.  brother's beating the crap out of one another over a baseball game in the yard) and deal with all manner of crazy people at the local little league ball park.  ;)

I'm not a magician but I can pull a costume for dress up day, a football mouth guard and a land run lunch pail out of a hat (or maybe somewhere else ;) all at the same time and in a moment's notice.

I'm not a carpenter but I can build a bird house, re-build a bird house ;) and put together a Thomas the tank engine train set in 23 different ways.  I can also assemble a "mother of pearl" sleigh in the front yard...or throw it in the trash depending on the day. ;)

I'm not an agriculturist but I can plant flowers, shrubs, vegetables and trees and then re-plant them again when they don't make it. ;)  I can also run a lawn mower (a fact I kept hidden for many years), the leaf blower and an edger...I will not, however, attempt to use that weed eater's straight from satan.

I'm not a teacher but I can over see homework for 3 kids in 15 different subjects on many different grade levels, including a foreign language in which the only words I know are "mas cervaza's por favor".  Let me clarify for just one second here that I did use the term "over see" not teach.  My expertise with math ends with long division and English?  Well, this blog is proof enough that I have no grasp of basic grammar. ;)

I'm not a seamstress but I can sew on a button, hem a pair of pants (and I do consider it sewing to use the most wonderful wonder under when hemming), and use my Bernina effectively enough to sew a straight line and make curtains.

In essence I am what my dad would call "a Jill of all trades, but a master of none".  The one thing I can say that I definitely am, is a mom....not a perfect one but a happy one.  Maybe by the time I am done mothering I will know enough to start.  I think they call that a Grandma. :)

The wine of the day is Le Faux Frog chardonnay in honor of my mom.  She is a master of many things, sewing and frog collecting are two very notable ones, but she is also a master mom and a super master grandma!

Happy Monday!

1 comment:

Heather said...

I LOVE this post. You have captured the essence of being a 'mom'! Precious....and I'm right there with ya, in all the craziness it brings! I laughed out loud about the dealing with all manner of crazy people at the ball park. Wow..SO true!