The W(h)ine Hour..

Every household has one…the whine hour. It’s those bewitching hours between approximately 5 and 8pm in the evening when the kids go crazy and moms across the world lose their minds completely. It doesn’t matter if you have babies, toddlers, kids, tweens, or teens; those hours of dinner/homework/bath time/ bedtime can just about do a momma in. What is a girl to do? It’s simple and brilliant actually, just slip in a little wine of your own! Now, I’m not suggesting anyone down a bottle of whiskey everyday between the hours of 5 and 8, in fact if you do that you will have a few whine hours of your own the next morning. Basically, a little wine during the whine hours will keep you out of the padded cell at the local cookoo house where people will walk by and peek in your little window and say things like “aww, poor mom has lost her marbles” and “hmmm, now that’s a crazy one right there, sits in there all day and hits herself over the head with a Barbie and a hotwheel”. Don’t smirk, it can happen.

So, enjoy the tales of my whine hour, and how I survive each and everyone of one of them with a sense of humor and a good bottle of wine! After all, the whine hour comes around every single day, a girl has to be prepared!


Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Nature? No thanks.

I am what you might call a fair weather fan.  I love to be outside when it is about 78 and sunny with no wind, no humidity and no bugs.  Basically, not where I live at all.  It is 78 degrees here about 3 days per year....unfortunately that is is not an exaggeration.  So far this June we have experienced record heat and no rain.  Not ideal little league watching my opinion.  I now have to take sunscreen and bug spray to every game.  Tonight I was sweating..I mean sitting at the ball park watching the little play some ball.  I had no less than 10 ants, 5 mosquitos and 40 flies on my person during the hour I sat much for that bug spray. ;)  There also seemed to be some sort of little bug biting me which had me slapping at myself and contorting in all kinds of crazy poses in an effort to rid myself of them.  I don't know why I was the only person slapping at myself all evening....maybe the bug spray I used attracts rather than repels insects, or maybe I needed a shower?  Or maybe I've officially lost my mind in this crazy hotness and have started hallucinating.  Unfortunately, I think it's that last option. ;)  During the baseball bug madness, I receive a text from the big kid.  He and the middle are hanging out at home having opted out of the ball park...don't blame them.  Seems there was a snake in the pool.  Well, I hope he drowned.  Sorry to all the snake lovers out there, but I am not counted among you.  Very little creeps me out as much as something slithering around on it's belly.  I told the big kid to just leave the snake in the pool and dad will take care of it when we get home.  This is what I got in reply....

What the heck?  I thought you said it was in the pool!  Why is it all banged out looking and why is it showing it's mouth to you like that?  And most importantly, why do you have your phone that close to it's face while it is showing you it's mouth like that?  Run!  Run away fast!!
All I got back to that was the laughing face. :))  Then he sends one more text..."it's all good, long story, tell u when u get home."  I'm really hoping at this point that this whole thing has been a fake.  Something the two of them have cooked up to get a reaction out of me.  I'm thinking they are probably home laughing at the mental image of me jumping out of my chair and screaming bloody murder in the middle of the little one's baseball game.  No such luck....this is the story I got when we got home.

Big: "We grabbed it with the broom handle and flung it out of the pool.  Then we shot it once with our BB gun."

Middle: "That stupid snake was striking at the end of my broom handle!!  No one strikes at my broom handle and gets away with it...that hacked me off so I shot him.  I loaded him up... 3 times in the body, once in the head and once right in that stupid open mouth."

Me: "I'm guessing it is dead. (met with peals of evil laughter from both of them)  Where is it now?  Is it out of the reach of the dogs?

Big: "No way, we were totally freaked out after the middle busted a cap in him so we threw a bucket over it.  It's waiting outside on the patio."

Well thanks a heck of a lot for that. ;)  I'm waffling between wanting to freak out because they are so cavalier about "busting a cap" in something, and being thankful that the nasty creature is definitely not going to slither across my path tomorrow when I'm digging in my flower beds.  I think I'll go with thankful and hope no one has nightmares tonight...ok, I hope I don't have nightmares, those two will be just fine.

The wine of the day is Leaping Lizard chardonnay.  I'll take a lizard any day over a least they have feet.  I think I just decided to call the local gardner to take care of those flower beds, hope he's packin some heat with those hydrangeas!

Happy Tuesday!


Anonymous said...

I am terrified of snakes. I would have been HYSTERICAL just looking at a picture. And um, who dealt with the snake in the bucket?

Cheers! said...

Hubby made the boys "dispose" of it....I have no idea what that means to them. My guess is that it's remains were thrown in a nearby bush which totally creeps me out! Yet another reason to hire some help in the flower beds. ;)