I've been off the blog now for quite a some time. I write long detailed hilarious blogs in my head on a daily basis and then sit at my computer for approximately one minute before someone "needs" me. I've never been this popular in my life! Too bad I didn't hold this same attraction in high school...that would have been fun! Apparently I'm a late bloomer. ;) Over the past weeks since I have actually gotten something out of my head onto this blog, I have played about a hundred games of dominoes, gin rummy (gin is an important part of that game if you are over 21), nursed kids thru extreme dehydration, blown my referee whistle at least 1000 times (that is NOT an exaggeration) and reminded my kids how to do their own laundry. If it wasn't for that last thing, I might have gone full crazy by now! ;) I'm not sure who thinks a 12 week break from school is a good idea, but I'd like to locate them so we can have a word.
Someone else I am seeking out to "have a word" with is the crap fairy. There are many types of fairies that I adore. The tooth fairy, for instance, she stops by the house picks up something gross and leaves cash! That's my kind of fairy. The crap fairy, on the other hand, stops by the house when I am not looking and drops off "stuff"....she leaves with nothing. After my recent bout of total house clean out I can only guess that she comes daily. After 3 large trips to the Good Will store and 2 dumpsters full of trash bags, this house is a crap free zone. I have laid out a plan to put the family on a 24 hour watch schedule to ensure the little bugger doesn't stop by to make any more deposits. When I was finished explaining this stroke of genius to my children the little one says, "Ok, right on mom. You can have the first watch." Everyone thought this was hilarious until they noticed the crazy cleaning out gleam in my eye....this is serious. The reason being, we have decided to sell our house. It is rather large with an even larger, high maintenance yard (insert grimace here). This seemed like a great idea (afterall, it is lovely) when we were home a lot and the big kid was happy to hop on the riding mower and take care of it for a nominal fee. Now, we are constantly on the go to tennis matches, drills and lessons plus baseball practices and games. Yard work has become our greatest nemesis. I know, I thought my greatest nemesis was the crap fairy too, but apparently I underestimated the power of 105 degrees and a weed eater. ;) So we have cleaned from top to bottom and side to side and our house is now for sale! We are looking for something on little more than the size of a postage stamp that is still in our school district, and has enough bedrooms to keep the 5 of us at some distance from each other. Well, at least keep the 3 at some distance from the 2. ;) When all of this will take place, only God knows. This is why they call it faith. :) When a friend asked my husband if he was dreading the actual moving part he said, "Not really, by the time we move we won't have anything left to move." Awesome! Take that crap fairy!
The wine of the day is House Wine white. I'm pretty sure I'm going to need some wine in the house in order to keep my sense of humor for the next few months. ;) I'm also betting on some funny stories on trying to prepare a house to show with three boys and two dogs. My only hope is that I can find some time in between vacuuming's to write them down. :)
Happy Wednesday!
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
More time?
So here we are 4 weeks into summer break, and I have come to a realization. Things don't slow down in the summer...at all. I had dreams of lounging by the pool watching the boys swim, reading good books and relaxing. The reality has been a whole lot of running around to tennis practices, vacation bible school and tennis tournaments. I think it has finally sunk in that time will indeed slow down...in about 10 years when the last one goes off to college. And then I will be getting lots of pedicures, having lots of lunches with friends I haven't seen in the previous 15 years and travel the world over! Until then I will be enjoying every moment of my time with these three precious (if not a little rowdy and occasionally annoying) boys. ;) So, if the blogging is inconsistent this summer it's not because a zillion things aren't making me laugh at/with them every single day, it's that I just don't want to miss a single laugh to sit down and write. I think I have written about a hundred blogs in my head over the past 4 weeks, not too many have made it to the computer...and I am totally good with that. Really, I am. These memories will store in my head, right? I've almost got myself convinced. ;)
Two big things have kept me from the computer during the last week. One is tennis tournaments with the big one. He is doing really great! Two second places finishes and yesterday a WIN! He has also battled thru some personal issues that will be life altering for him. He is learning at a very young age to channel his ultra competitiveness in a positive way. Instead of loosing his temper and his concentration he is learning to use prayer and self control to focus all that energy and emotion on the task at hand. To keep himself centered in the heat of the moment he has chosen to wear a cross necklace that hangs down inside his shirt, great tangible reminder. That change in him is what got him from 2nd to 1st place, no better reinforcement for a positive change than that! I am beyond proud of him, I am in awe of him. To be able to control that at his age the way he did is most impressive. He is learning to rely on God to help him thru the hard stuff. I wish I had learned that when I was that young. On the way home yesterday with his first place trophy sitting on his lap he said, "That was awesome! I almost lost it a couple of times, but grabbed my necklace and said a quick prayer and all that rage went away. Satan can suck it, he's got no hold on me." Got to love the 14 yr old way of putting things. ;)
The second thing that has been taking lots of time is our new favorite family game, Mexican Train Dominoes. Hours have been spent at the kitchen table with the 5 of us hunkered down plotting our next move and how we can go out first. It is so much fun, I highly recommend it for anyone, probably age 6 or 7 and up! It is also great summer math help, lots of adding going on....I like to keep the educational part on the down low. ;) Check it out...all you really need is a set of dominoes and some little things to use as your "trains" or you can buy a set of dominoes packaged for mexican train and it comes with little trains.
So if you don't hear from for a few days it's probably because I am beating the pants off my family at dominoes. ;) Guess who the 121 is?
The wine of the day is Barefoot pinot grigio! When it's over 100 degrees every day you pretty much have to go barefoot; your wine might as well match your outfit. ;)
Happy Summer Tuesday!
Two big things have kept me from the computer during the last week. One is tennis tournaments with the big one. He is doing really great! Two second places finishes and yesterday a WIN! He has also battled thru some personal issues that will be life altering for him. He is learning at a very young age to channel his ultra competitiveness in a positive way. Instead of loosing his temper and his concentration he is learning to use prayer and self control to focus all that energy and emotion on the task at hand. To keep himself centered in the heat of the moment he has chosen to wear a cross necklace that hangs down inside his shirt, great tangible reminder. That change in him is what got him from 2nd to 1st place, no better reinforcement for a positive change than that! I am beyond proud of him, I am in awe of him. To be able to control that at his age the way he did is most impressive. He is learning to rely on God to help him thru the hard stuff. I wish I had learned that when I was that young. On the way home yesterday with his first place trophy sitting on his lap he said, "That was awesome! I almost lost it a couple of times, but grabbed my necklace and said a quick prayer and all that rage went away. Satan can suck it, he's got no hold on me." Got to love the 14 yr old way of putting things. ;)
The second thing that has been taking lots of time is our new favorite family game, Mexican Train Dominoes. Hours have been spent at the kitchen table with the 5 of us hunkered down plotting our next move and how we can go out first. It is so much fun, I highly recommend it for anyone, probably age 6 or 7 and up! It is also great summer math help, lots of adding going on....I like to keep the educational part on the down low. ;) Check it out...all you really need is a set of dominoes and some little things to use as your "trains" or you can buy a set of dominoes packaged for mexican train and it comes with little trains.
The wine of the day is Barefoot pinot grigio! When it's over 100 degrees every day you pretty much have to go barefoot; your wine might as well match your outfit. ;)
Happy Summer Tuesday!
Thursday, June 16, 2011
The sky is falling...for real.
Yes...this is the actual temperature.
In my opinion, there should never be 3 numbers in a temperature...never. This is just too hot. It is so hot, in fact, that when the boys and I were at the theatre watching the new Kung Fu Panda movie the power went out due to lack of juice to meet the demand. Have you ever been in a movie when the power went out? It is dark...real dark. Take just a moment and imagine the amount of screaming that might happen when it gets pitch dark in a movie....a children's movie...with a bunch of children watching it. Now multiply that by 100 and you will have some idea of how that went. I found it funny for about the first 2 minutes; the other 15, not so much. They did get the power back on and we got to finish the movie which is very cute but a little sad. At one point the little one leaned over and asked, "Are you crying?" I said no, but this part is sad. He replied, "Well I am." Sweet boy. :)
Not long after the temperature topped out well into the triple digits this happened...
No, that is not a bowl full of golf balls. That is hail. Those giant ice balls were catapulting through the air for a good 30 minutes...with the sun out. What? Why is the sun out while hail is hammering down upon us. And, where is chicken little when you need him? There was no one running around here yelling about the sky falling down. These crazy boys took a different approach...
Nice hard hat. ;) Sending kids out in the yard during a hail storm with hard hats on...A+ parenting at it's best. ;)
The wine of the day is Big Whoop! It's a red, has a screw top and is delightful. I'm giving it a big whoop because when I bought it the sales girl asked for my ID! I can't remember the last time I have had someone ask for an ID. I think I usually walk in with enough of a haggard look about me that they automatically know I'm no where near 21. ;) When I handed over my license she stared at it for a moment, glanced at me, looked back at my license, stared back at me and then said, "Wow, 70? You look good for 70." I am like a deer in the headlights. I'm pretty sure I have that look in my eyes like maybe the elevator's not going all the way to the top. I can't decide if she knows 70 is the year I was born or if she really thinks I'm 70. I seriously can't make sense of it in my head, so I just mumble out a quick "thanks" while trying to decide if I look like I could actually be 70. This aging situation may be worse than I thought. Crap. She finally adds, "Oh yeah, I see a lot of people come in here that are way younger than 40 and look a LOT older than you." Ohh, thank goodness, I can take a deep breath now. I think the glaze finally leaves my eyes as we finish up the transaction. I'm sure she is now thinking, "She may look good but she is duuuuummmmb." HA! I really am smarter than that. ;)
Happy Thursday!
In my opinion, there should never be 3 numbers in a temperature...never. This is just too hot. It is so hot, in fact, that when the boys and I were at the theatre watching the new Kung Fu Panda movie the power went out due to lack of juice to meet the demand. Have you ever been in a movie when the power went out? It is dark...real dark. Take just a moment and imagine the amount of screaming that might happen when it gets pitch dark in a movie....a children's movie...with a bunch of children watching it. Now multiply that by 100 and you will have some idea of how that went. I found it funny for about the first 2 minutes; the other 15, not so much. They did get the power back on and we got to finish the movie which is very cute but a little sad. At one point the little one leaned over and asked, "Are you crying?" I said no, but this part is sad. He replied, "Well I am." Sweet boy. :)
Not long after the temperature topped out well into the triple digits this happened...
No, that is not a bowl full of golf balls. That is hail. Those giant ice balls were catapulting through the air for a good 30 minutes...with the sun out. What? Why is the sun out while hail is hammering down upon us. And, where is chicken little when you need him? There was no one running around here yelling about the sky falling down. These crazy boys took a different approach...
Nice hard hat. ;) Sending kids out in the yard during a hail storm with hard hats on...A+ parenting at it's best. ;)
The wine of the day is Big Whoop! It's a red, has a screw top and is delightful. I'm giving it a big whoop because when I bought it the sales girl asked for my ID! I can't remember the last time I have had someone ask for an ID. I think I usually walk in with enough of a haggard look about me that they automatically know I'm no where near 21. ;) When I handed over my license she stared at it for a moment, glanced at me, looked back at my license, stared back at me and then said, "Wow, 70? You look good for 70." I am like a deer in the headlights. I'm pretty sure I have that look in my eyes like maybe the elevator's not going all the way to the top. I can't decide if she knows 70 is the year I was born or if she really thinks I'm 70. I seriously can't make sense of it in my head, so I just mumble out a quick "thanks" while trying to decide if I look like I could actually be 70. This aging situation may be worse than I thought. Crap. She finally adds, "Oh yeah, I see a lot of people come in here that are way younger than 40 and look a LOT older than you." Ohh, thank goodness, I can take a deep breath now. I think the glaze finally leaves my eyes as we finish up the transaction. I'm sure she is now thinking, "She may look good but she is duuuuummmmb." HA! I really am smarter than that. ;)
Happy Thursday!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Baseball and the skinny girl.
When we started baseball season it was so cold outside I thought I might actually freeze my arse off. Fast forward a few months; we are still playing baseball and it is now so hot I feel like I might be sweating my arse off. So which is it? Do you sweat or freeze your arse off? At the moment I'm hoping it's sweat, because it's about 105 degrees everyday for some unknown reason and just sitting at the ballpark leaves me in a puddle. The other day I actually wore a tube top and short shorts to the ball park...classy, I know. I'm going for a new look, it's called classy trashy. It might include a bikini top and some cut off jean shorts if this little league season doesn't wrap up soon. And believe me when I say...no one wants to see that. ;) Since school has been out I've been on a steady diet of chicken fingers, mac & cheese and chunky peanut butter. There's also been a few more trips through the local drive thru than usual. When all the exercise you get is watching baseball and driving thru the local fast food joint, things are going to head downhill in a hurry. My right bicep is the only muscle in my body looking good, thanks to the cork screw. If I go to all screw top wines, I'm toast! (not toasted....well maybe both;)
Last night the middle had his last regular season game. I'm not sure if it was the heat or because it was the last of what feels like about a zillion games, but I was feeling a little feisty. At one point I told the big kid that I was going to try and get thrown out of the ballpark. Now, you have to know that normally the loudest I ever get at a little league game is a big CLAP or a well placed positive comment. I'm seriously cracking myself up at the scene I could make if I started yelling crazy stuff out. I told the big kid I was going to yell, "Sniff my pickle" to the ump. And then follow that up with, "Oh wait, I don't have a pickle, sniff his pickle." The look on his face was priceless, it was a mix between horror and humor. (If your not sure why that is especially funny check out my post from May 31st....careful, cuz it's a little naughty.) As much as these three shock the heck out of me, sometimes it's nice to shock one of them for a change. ;) In the end I didn't yell anything more obscene than, "Good hustle chill!" I'm a real rebel. ;)
The wine of the day is Skinny Girl margaritas. Yep, that's right, that isn't a wine. But it sure is a yummy margarita in a super cute bottle! The way this summer is going I'm going to be in the Betty Ford by the end of August, I'm hoping the Skinny Girl will keep me out of the fat camp. ;) Don't you just love all my weight loss plans that don't include the gym? :))
Happy Thursday!
Last night the middle had his last regular season game. I'm not sure if it was the heat or because it was the last of what feels like about a zillion games, but I was feeling a little feisty. At one point I told the big kid that I was going to try and get thrown out of the ballpark. Now, you have to know that normally the loudest I ever get at a little league game is a big CLAP or a well placed positive comment. I'm seriously cracking myself up at the scene I could make if I started yelling crazy stuff out. I told the big kid I was going to yell, "Sniff my pickle" to the ump. And then follow that up with, "Oh wait, I don't have a pickle, sniff his pickle." The look on his face was priceless, it was a mix between horror and humor. (If your not sure why that is especially funny check out my post from May 31st....careful, cuz it's a little naughty.) As much as these three shock the heck out of me, sometimes it's nice to shock one of them for a change. ;) In the end I didn't yell anything more obscene than, "Good hustle chill!" I'm a real rebel. ;)
The wine of the day is Skinny Girl margaritas. Yep, that's right, that isn't a wine. But it sure is a yummy margarita in a super cute bottle! The way this summer is going I'm going to be in the Betty Ford by the end of August, I'm hoping the Skinny Girl will keep me out of the fat camp. ;) Don't you just love all my weight loss plans that don't include the gym? :))
Happy Thursday!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Nature? No thanks.
I am what you might call a fair weather fan. I love to be outside when it is about 78 and sunny with no wind, no humidity and no bugs. Basically, not where I live at all. It is 78 degrees here about 3 days per year....unfortunately that is is not an exaggeration. So far this June we have experienced record heat and no rain. Not ideal little league watching weather...in my opinion. I now have to take sunscreen and bug spray to every game. Tonight I was sweating..I mean sitting at the ball park watching the little play some ball. I had no less than 10 ants, 5 mosquitos and 40 flies on my person during the hour I sat there....so much for that bug spray. ;) There also seemed to be some sort of little bug biting me which had me slapping at myself and contorting in all kinds of crazy poses in an effort to rid myself of them. I don't know why I was the only person slapping at myself all evening....maybe the bug spray I used attracts rather than repels insects, or maybe I needed a shower? Or maybe I've officially lost my mind in this crazy hotness and have started hallucinating. Unfortunately, I think it's that last option. ;) During the baseball bug madness, I receive a text from the big kid. He and the middle are hanging out at home having opted out of the ball park...don't blame them. Seems there was a snake in the pool. Well, I hope he drowned. Sorry to all the snake lovers out there, but I am not counted among you. Very little creeps me out as much as something slithering around on it's belly. I told the big kid to just leave the snake in the pool and dad will take care of it when we get home. This is what I got in reply....
What the heck? I thought you said it was in the pool! Why is it all banged out looking and why is it showing it's mouth to you like that? And most importantly, why do you have your phone that close to it's face while it is showing you it's mouth like that? Run! Run away fast!!
All I got back to that was the laughing face. :)) Then he sends one more text..."it's all good, long story, tell u when u get home." I'm really hoping at this point that this whole thing has been a fake. Something the two of them have cooked up to get a reaction out of me. I'm thinking they are probably home laughing at the mental image of me jumping out of my chair and screaming bloody murder in the middle of the little one's baseball game. No such luck....this is the story I got when we got home.
Big: "We grabbed it with the broom handle and flung it out of the pool. Then we shot it once with our BB gun."
Middle: "That stupid snake was striking at the end of my broom handle!! No one strikes at my broom handle and gets away with it...that hacked me off so I shot him. I loaded him up... 3 times in the body, once in the head and once right in that stupid open mouth."
Me: "I'm guessing it is dead. (met with peals of evil laughter from both of them) Where is it now? Is it out of the reach of the dogs?
Big: "No way, we were totally freaked out after the middle busted a cap in him so we threw a bucket over it. It's waiting outside on the patio."
Well thanks a heck of a lot for that. ;) I'm waffling between wanting to freak out because they are so cavalier about "busting a cap" in something, and being thankful that the nasty creature is definitely not going to slither across my path tomorrow when I'm digging in my flower beds. I think I'll go with thankful and hope no one has nightmares tonight...ok, I hope I don't have nightmares, those two will be just fine.
The wine of the day is Leaping Lizard chardonnay. I'll take a lizard any day over a snake...at least they have feet. I think I just decided to call the local gardner to take care of those flower beds, hope he's packin some heat with those hydrangeas!
Happy Tuesday!
What the heck? I thought you said it was in the pool! Why is it all banged out looking and why is it showing it's mouth to you like that? And most importantly, why do you have your phone that close to it's face while it is showing you it's mouth like that? Run! Run away fast!!
All I got back to that was the laughing face. :)) Then he sends one more text..."it's all good, long story, tell u when u get home." I'm really hoping at this point that this whole thing has been a fake. Something the two of them have cooked up to get a reaction out of me. I'm thinking they are probably home laughing at the mental image of me jumping out of my chair and screaming bloody murder in the middle of the little one's baseball game. No such luck....this is the story I got when we got home.
Big: "We grabbed it with the broom handle and flung it out of the pool. Then we shot it once with our BB gun."
Middle: "That stupid snake was striking at the end of my broom handle!! No one strikes at my broom handle and gets away with it...that hacked me off so I shot him. I loaded him up... 3 times in the body, once in the head and once right in that stupid open mouth."
Me: "I'm guessing it is dead. (met with peals of evil laughter from both of them) Where is it now? Is it out of the reach of the dogs?
Big: "No way, we were totally freaked out after the middle busted a cap in him so we threw a bucket over it. It's waiting outside on the patio."
Well thanks a heck of a lot for that. ;) I'm waffling between wanting to freak out because they are so cavalier about "busting a cap" in something, and being thankful that the nasty creature is definitely not going to slither across my path tomorrow when I'm digging in my flower beds. I think I'll go with thankful and hope no one has nightmares tonight...ok, I hope I don't have nightmares, those two will be just fine.
The wine of the day is Leaping Lizard chardonnay. I'll take a lizard any day over a snake...at least they have feet. I think I just decided to call the local gardner to take care of those flower beds, hope he's packin some heat with those hydrangeas!
Happy Tuesday!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Summer Break?
It's day 3 of summer break and I am seriously questioning the sanity of the genius that decided to call this a "break". I think that maybe they were confused about the definition of the word itself. My activity level has gone from zero to sixty in about 2.4 seconds. And I use the word "my" quite loosely, because none of these activities have to do with ME. Not that it has to be all about me, but maybe just a little would be nice. ;) I actually caught myself counting how many days were left of this so called break after the first day. Not good. By the way, there's a LOT...a whole lot, I won't even bother writing down how many. Suffice to say, there will be a lot of research done for this blog over the next 12 weeks. ;)
Today I loaded up the children and we headed to the local sporting goods store. The middle and little need new shoes. I guess their shoes being two sizes too small explains why they have been hobbling around here whining about sore feet for 2 weeks. When someone starts complaining about small shoes my general answer is, why don't you try cutting your toenails and get back to me. The middle accused me of stunting his growth by not letting his feet grow to their full potential. Ha...whatever. ;) Picking out new athletic shoes for boys should be a quick and easy task...right? After 1 hour (not even kidding about that) the little was still trying on different shoes and the middle was complaining that the store didn't have anything cool. We finally decided on some....or I finally said I am leaving, you can come with me and bring a pair of shoes for me to purchase or you can stay here and keep trying on, your choice. On the way to the check out a rather loud fight ensued about whether it was hot outside or not. Seriously, is that worth fighting over? So, being the excellent (or at my wits end) mom that I am, I yelled at them, "STOP YELLING AT EACH OTHER IN THE STORE." No less than 30 people (ok, maybe 5 people) turned to stare and the big one burst out laughing, "Mom, you just yelled at them to stop yelling..HAHAHAHA!" Thanks for pointing that out buddy, appreciate ya. ;) Once we finally arrived at the checkout I asked the young girl working if she made good money working at the sporting good store, would she maybe want to babysit all summer for 3 boys instead? She glanced at me, checked all three of them out and then gave me a look that said, sorry but there is not enough money in the world for that mess. With all the sympathy a 16 yr old could muster she said, "Sorry, but I think I'm good here." Smart girl. ;)
I'm off to game 5 of the week, apparently baseball doesn't "break" either. ;) When I get back I'll be popping the cork on a bottle of Royal Bitch merlot. I searched long and hard for a bottle of Whiny Haggard Bitch wine but no one has bottled that one yet. I guess my inspiration hasn't reached any wineries just yet. ;)
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Earmuffs boys...Earmuffs!
**Just a quick warning, there is some undesirable language in todays post. If you don't wish to see that sort of thing, please stop by another day. People aren't naughty here everyday. Well, actually they are naughty every day, but the naughtiness doesn't always include foul language. ;)
This past weekend the boys had the awesome experience of being bat boys for the big 12 baseball tournament. They suited up early Saturday morning in their big 12 shirts and khaki shorts, tossed their "all access" passes around their necks, grabbed their helmets and gloves and off they went. The tournament was played at the local minor league baseball stadium, so hanging out on the field and in the dug outs was a pretty big deal. There were 4 games Saturday so they spent the better part of 12 hours down there. Sometimes they were in the dug out getting bats in between batters and making sure the umpires had plenty of balls. You can imagine the amount of jokes that job brought about, enough to make my ear holes hurt. ;) Other times they sat on the field on the foul ball line just past third or first base and grabbed any foul balls hit their way. Pretty cool gig for these baseball loving kids. When you sit on the foul ball line it's called "shagging". I was under the impression that shagging was when you wore your pants down around your hiney....apparently there are multiple meanings for the word as I was told when I heard the little was shagging the first game and I about had a come apart. "You will not go down to that ballpark with your underwear hanging out!" This brought guffaw laughs from the bigger two as they explained he would be "shagging" the foul balls not his pants, and then the big one added, "You know mom, shagging can also mean something else....at least thats what I heard on Austen Powers." Ummm, let's keep that definition to yourself there big kid, I'm about explained out on sex terms for this month. ;) Famous last words.....
After 4 games I had 3 reeeallly tired and stinky boys. Sitting at dinner late in the evening the middle one says, "Ha! I learned 9 new words today!" I'm thinking there is no way there were 9 naughty words he didn't already know. The first one he blurts out is "frick". Well, I just breathed a huge sigh of relief that he didn't just yell out the big "F" word and then told him he shouldn't say that, it's just another way to say the really bad F word. He comes right back with, "Well, then how come you always call me and the little frick and frack?" Uhhh...I have no intelligent answer for this, I think because my brain has been fried by the sun all day...at least that's what I'm blaming it on. ;) At this point I send the little one to the shower, I'm not sure what he learned from his baseball experience, but I have no wish to add anything to it. The middle moves right on to, "One guy called a player on the other team a pu...puuuu....puss...a puss" (Hearing this I interject, oh, puss isn't that bad of a word, it's just that junk that oozes out of infected sores, gross but not really naughty)..."no it's not that, it was something....something else....a PUSSY! Yes, that's what he said! He called him a pussy! I don't even know what that means." Ohhhh, well I do and you don't need to know what that means! You also never need to say that word again unless you are referring to the rock group The Pussycat Dolls. Never...NEVER EVER say that again! NEVER! After I went on that tirade, I started to panic. Often when I make too big of a deal about something that is just the spark needed to start a ginormous forest fire. Crap. Sometime in the next few days I'm gonna have to call in the forest rangers to douse that fire, probably in the form of a little tobasco on the tongue. Or maybe my personal favorite, imitation maple flavoring. Blech! Smells so good, tastes so nasty!
Not to be outdone in this dinner shock wave the big one says, "Well, I learned something new today too." I seriously doubt that. But then he says, "Ya a player on this team said "sniff my pickle" to the other team. I've never heard that before. What do you think that means?" I have no idea, but it sure is imaginative. We batted around a few ideas and finally decided it was another way to say suck my wiener? That's my best guess. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks, I am actually sitting at the dinner table with my two oldest kids (who aren't that old) discussing different ways to say suck my wiener. Oh. My. Gosh. In an effort to regain some form of parentalness I offer the following advice, in my best kindergarten teacher voice, for the next day's championship game, "Now boys, at tomorrow's game you might hear some bad words, but remember those players are actually grown ups and can say whatever they choose. Of course, that doesn't make it right and when you are grown up you should choose better words, especially when you are around children such as yourselves. So tomorrow when someone strikes out, just throw your hands up over your ears like earmuffs until the words stop." The big one looks at me like I've lost my mind and says, "OoooKkkkk, right on mom, we'll just throw up the earmuffs right there in the dugout." And the middle one adds, "Um, mom you do know that we can hear right thru our hands, don't you?" Sheeesh, why don't you two just go to bed now. ;) Just in case you were wondering who is going to come in last in the mother of the year award....I think it's pretty obvious I've got that one wrapped up. ;)
The wine of the day is The Slammer syrah because I'm pretty sure that's where I'm headed for the parenting genius I've got going on around here. I just hope it's the crazy slammer and they have pink straight jackets and cupcakes there....sounds like a happy place. :) Oh dear, maybe they really have driven me crazy!
Happy Tuesday!
This past weekend the boys had the awesome experience of being bat boys for the big 12 baseball tournament. They suited up early Saturday morning in their big 12 shirts and khaki shorts, tossed their "all access" passes around their necks, grabbed their helmets and gloves and off they went. The tournament was played at the local minor league baseball stadium, so hanging out on the field and in the dug outs was a pretty big deal. There were 4 games Saturday so they spent the better part of 12 hours down there. Sometimes they were in the dug out getting bats in between batters and making sure the umpires had plenty of balls. You can imagine the amount of jokes that job brought about, enough to make my ear holes hurt. ;) Other times they sat on the field on the foul ball line just past third or first base and grabbed any foul balls hit their way. Pretty cool gig for these baseball loving kids. When you sit on the foul ball line it's called "shagging". I was under the impression that shagging was when you wore your pants down around your hiney....apparently there are multiple meanings for the word as I was told when I heard the little was shagging the first game and I about had a come apart. "You will not go down to that ballpark with your underwear hanging out!" This brought guffaw laughs from the bigger two as they explained he would be "shagging" the foul balls not his pants, and then the big one added, "You know mom, shagging can also mean something else....at least thats what I heard on Austen Powers." Ummm, let's keep that definition to yourself there big kid, I'm about explained out on sex terms for this month. ;) Famous last words.....
After 4 games I had 3 reeeallly tired and stinky boys. Sitting at dinner late in the evening the middle one says, "Ha! I learned 9 new words today!" I'm thinking there is no way there were 9 naughty words he didn't already know. The first one he blurts out is "frick". Well, I just breathed a huge sigh of relief that he didn't just yell out the big "F" word and then told him he shouldn't say that, it's just another way to say the really bad F word. He comes right back with, "Well, then how come you always call me and the little frick and frack?" Uhhh...I have no intelligent answer for this, I think because my brain has been fried by the sun all day...at least that's what I'm blaming it on. ;) At this point I send the little one to the shower, I'm not sure what he learned from his baseball experience, but I have no wish to add anything to it. The middle moves right on to, "One guy called a player on the other team a pu...puuuu....puss...a puss" (Hearing this I interject, oh, puss isn't that bad of a word, it's just that junk that oozes out of infected sores, gross but not really naughty)..."no it's not that, it was something....something else....a PUSSY! Yes, that's what he said! He called him a pussy! I don't even know what that means." Ohhhh, well I do and you don't need to know what that means! You also never need to say that word again unless you are referring to the rock group The Pussycat Dolls. Never...NEVER EVER say that again! NEVER! After I went on that tirade, I started to panic. Often when I make too big of a deal about something that is just the spark needed to start a ginormous forest fire. Crap. Sometime in the next few days I'm gonna have to call in the forest rangers to douse that fire, probably in the form of a little tobasco on the tongue. Or maybe my personal favorite, imitation maple flavoring. Blech! Smells so good, tastes so nasty!
Not to be outdone in this dinner shock wave the big one says, "Well, I learned something new today too." I seriously doubt that. But then he says, "Ya a player on this team said "sniff my pickle" to the other team. I've never heard that before. What do you think that means?" I have no idea, but it sure is imaginative. We batted around a few ideas and finally decided it was another way to say suck my wiener? That's my best guess. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks, I am actually sitting at the dinner table with my two oldest kids (who aren't that old) discussing different ways to say suck my wiener. Oh. My. Gosh. In an effort to regain some form of parentalness I offer the following advice, in my best kindergarten teacher voice, for the next day's championship game, "Now boys, at tomorrow's game you might hear some bad words, but remember those players are actually grown ups and can say whatever they choose. Of course, that doesn't make it right and when you are grown up you should choose better words, especially when you are around children such as yourselves. So tomorrow when someone strikes out, just throw your hands up over your ears like earmuffs until the words stop." The big one looks at me like I've lost my mind and says, "OoooKkkkk, right on mom, we'll just throw up the earmuffs right there in the dugout." And the middle one adds, "Um, mom you do know that we can hear right thru our hands, don't you?" Sheeesh, why don't you two just go to bed now. ;) Just in case you were wondering who is going to come in last in the mother of the year award....I think it's pretty obvious I've got that one wrapped up. ;)
The wine of the day is The Slammer syrah because I'm pretty sure that's where I'm headed for the parenting genius I've got going on around here. I just hope it's the crazy slammer and they have pink straight jackets and cupcakes there....sounds like a happy place. :) Oh dear, maybe they really have driven me crazy!
Happy Tuesday!
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